


Forge of the heart

by cake_hunter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Buckys 17, Cheating, Drunk Sex, Drunken Confessions, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Heartbreak, I'm Bad At Tagging, Inexperienced Steve Rogers, Jealous Bucky Barnes, Jealous Steve Rogers, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, M/M, POV Steve Rogers, Panic Attacks, Protective Steve Rogers, Swearing, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Wolf AU, bucky has the serious hots for steve, ill add more tags as the story continues, mentions of peggy and steve, smut in later chapters, some mentions of mental abuse, steve trying not to fall for bucky, strong violence in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-01-24 15:20:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 23,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18574180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cake_hunter/pseuds/cake_hunter
Summary: Steve falls head over heels in love With Bucky Barnes but the only problem is that Bucky is dating his best friend Clint.Steve tries to suppress his feelings for respect for his friend, but Bucky isn't making it easy.To make matters worse, Steve becomes very ill and suddenly his not the same anymore because of Bucky. Steve has to come to terms with who is really is and for the fact that he is so in love that he can't imagine life with anyone else.He's battling with his head or heart, but he knows he can't fall for Bucky but it seems as though Bucky wants him too, even though it's very wrong.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello!  
> I've been a huge fan of marvel now for years, but over the space of a year, I've fallen down this rabbit hole of stucky.  
> I used to write fanfics all the time when I was 14/15/16 as well as read every one I could find. But I'm 21 now, and I've recently started to enjoy read and writing fanfiction again. 
> 
> I started this fanfic about two weeks ago but had this idea for a while, so finally, I decided to crack down and post this. I've been going through a really difficult stage of my life recently and I remembered how when I was younger writing made me feel better so I decided to start again.
> 
> I apologise for any mistakes or errors, I'm not American so if I have got anything wrong regarding that then I apologise.  
> I'm also really rusty so bear with and hopefully, I will improve with each chapter.  
> I've already got chapters 2-7 planned but I'll just see how it goes :)

It's only extremely rare occasions Steve ever gets speechless like all the English language has been stolen from his mind. But today was one of those moments for Steve, it was the first time he met Clints boyfriend, and Steve was unable to get a single word out.

“Steve!” Natasha suddenly sharply elbows steve in the ribs, he didn't even notice he was staring lost in thought until her elbow suddenly crashed him back onto earth again. 

“Sorry.” was all he could muster shooting Nat an apologetic look. As he brought his attention back into the group, his eyes met with Clint's boyfriend again.  
And oh god steve thought again. His fucking beautiful…

“This is Bucky!” clint proudly smiles wrapping his arm around his waist showing him off like some kind of trophy. Steve doesn't blame him though, he would too if he were so lucky to ever be with someone as beautiful. 

“Its James actually.” and oh even his voice was just as marvellous as the rest of him. Steve honestly didn't even know how he never noticed this kid before, he certainly wouldn't be unnoticeable in any crowd. He couldn't take his eyes off his mouth as it moved. Bucky was talking about why he prefers Bucky to James and carried on to say how glad he was to finally meet them all, but Steve was captivated by the way his lips moved and how they appeared to look so soft, and so appealing. He was suddenly cut out of his daydream again when this time Tony turned to him asking if he was alright.

“Yes, apologies, no idea where my head is today.” Steve suddenly felt rude but Clint or bucky didn't even seem to notice -or maybe didn't even care- but from behind clint Bruce was standing sniggering as he was watching Steve awestruck.  
Suddenly Bucky attention was onto Steve and he gave him a soft smile in which he returned back instantly. “Even those eyes… fuck!” Steve though if he stared into them any longer he would drown. They were a beautiful shade of soft blue, almost around the borders of grey. 

“Hey, so you’re the famous steve?” Bucky's eyes still hadn't left his and he was starting to feel a bit like a deer in the headlights, his body was frozen and he still wasn't able to get a single sentence out properly. He suddenly became subconscious that he was staring without even saying a single word, this must have been coming off as slightly creepy Steve started to grimace.  
Finally, he took a breath.

“Famous?” he questioned. He was suddenly starting to realise maybe bucky knew more about him then he did about he knew of bucky. “Shit.”  
“Oh well Clint talks about you all the time, never stops actually.” he chuckled turning his attention to the blushing man next to him.  
“Only sometimes!” Clint assured, giggling he pulled Bucky into a kiss which chimed an ‘aww’ from everyone but Steve, his stomach was twisting.  
“No.” He thought mentally giving himself a slap. He will NOT fall for one of his best friends boyfriends. He will be happy for him.

But the more he looked at the dark haired boy the harder it was the shake this unsettled feeling in the fit of his stomach. He decided maybe he should keep his distance from Bucky, only talk to him when he's around Clint, only speak to him if Bucky does first. Steve felt the guilt ride up from his stomach and fill his whole body with red hot fire. 

\--

As the day progressed Steve was starting to hate himself more and more, he wouldn't actually believe he made such a fool of himself in front of his friends, and Clint and Bucky...  
He began to stroll over to where his next class was when suddenly Bruce pulled steve sideways with his arm around his shoulder pulling him close next to him.

“I know you've got the hots for Barnes” he whispered into his ear.  
“Shit” Steve cursed under his breath, but before Steve could figure out what to say Bruce interjected.  
“Your secret's safe with me.” he sniggered releasing steve of his grip. He forgot just how strong bruce was sometimes.  
“No idea what you’re on about.” Steve smiled trying his hardest to play innocence. But he knew he was screwed now if Bruce knew then that means Cint definitely knows and so does everyone else who witnessed steves first encountering with Bucky. Bruce wasn't great when it came to things like this, so he knew this was bad that his already noticed. 

“This is bad.” He muttered under his breath again.  
“REALLY bad..” 

“Look, Rodgers.” Bruce's formal use of his name made that knot in the pit of his stomach feel tighter, more aggressive, more painful. Steve knew he couldn't lie to him, as much as he wanted to avoid the thought, he was still trying to convince himself it was a fleeting thought, nothing more nothing but a bit of teenage hormones.  
“You’re little secret is safe with me.” He winked. 

“If you must know, I don't. He is Clints boyfriend and that would be disgusting and disrespectful of me to even feel such a way.” Steve kept his smile up to facade the fact he was screaming on the inside. Not even he could believe his own lies. 

“Don’t stress, I won't say a thing.” He assured. Steve looked down the hall to see his class door was only a couple feet away, he considered running from the situation, literally. But suddenly all thoughts seized again when Bruce turns and whispers quietly again…  
“I didn't know you were gay?”

“Shit.” Steve cursed again, but this time he definitely didn't cuss under his breath, now this whole situation was causing more and more anxiety into Steve's stomach.  
He realised he was a bit tenser now, his shoulders suddenly felt stiff as he took a deep breath out again to calm himself. 

Steve has known for a long while now his gay, well possibly bisexual at most. But he never has had the courage to say it out loud, he always figured his friends would figure it out...eventually. Steve never felt like he was ever good at explaining these things, always tried to play the coy innocent I have no secrets card. It's not that he was ashamed of admitting it, it's just he didn't think Bruce would be the first to figure it out, but he certainly didn't want to come out in the middle of his school's hallway. 

“Can we please talk about this later, I really need to get to class…” Steve never normally feels a hard lump at the back of his throat and certainly never likes to brush his friends off like this, but he knew he couldn't do this now.  
“Apologies didn't mean to offend you.” the taller boy threw his hands up as if he knew he had overstepped some line he only just discovered.  
“It's okay, just talk later?” now Steve could really feel his stomach ache, his palms were clammy and sticky.  
Bruce replied by nodding and shot him a smile with a nod as he turned on his heel and walked the opposite way to Steve. He was relieved he didn't push the conversation any further. He took a deep breath in and out to prepare himself to move again, he didn't even realise even his legs were now also wooden and stiff into place. He knew he really was going to struggle today if his body keeps tensing up at every conversation around Bucky or his sexuality. Maybe it was time he told his friends about who he was deep down…

\--

Looking around the room his eye fell onto the clock, convincing himself there wasn't long left until lunch, but there was still thirty-five minutes left, that was too long, way too long.

“Oi!” Tony whispered, dragging steves attention towards him, he was sat at the desk next to Steve but he could barely make out what he was trying to say.

“You okay? You’ve got a face on you right now that's telling me you're not.”  
Steve raised an eyebrow in response. Now even Tony was noticing...

“Quiet, you’ll get us in trouble.” Steve looked back to the front of the room where their teacher was still talking. Steve knew they were too far back to be heard, but wasn't in the mood for Tony to play question time with him.  
“I’m fine, honestly,” he replied just as quiet as before, still keeping his focus on the front of the room. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw tony sink into his desk with a huff, clearly annoyed he was unable to persuade Steve to talk.  
Steve felt bad, he didn't enjoy giving Tony the cold shoulder but what choice did he have? It was hardly an appropriate time to talk about his woes. 

Just as Steve was about to tell Tony he was sorry, principal Fury opened the classroom door everyone's attention including steves drawn to the door.  
“ May i speak to Mr Rogers and Mr Stark please?” his tone sounded light, but still anxiety caused through Steve's body again. He really wasn’t in the mood for this, he didn't know what he had done this was completely unexpected. Steves followed behind Tony to the front of the class, the other classmates started giggling and smirking as they left the room. They clearly were in deep trouble, Fury never calls students out of lessons unless they are in serious trouble. 

Both Tony and Steve followed him cluelessly down the hallway, Tony turned back as they were to give Steve a confused look and Steve just replied with a shrug.  
“Sir?” Tony suddenly speaks up.  
“Oh no.” Steve thought, trust tony not to be able to keep his mouth.

The older man stopped in this tracks, and turned around to face Tony, Steve prayed this wasn't going to turn into some kind of argument, because it didn't matter who it was Tony would always argue back if he believed he wasn't in the wrong -which was always- he would never back down. 

“Mr Stark.” He cautioned, he took a sharp deep breath and exhaled just as fast.  
“If you could please just refrain from arguing for just one moment and follow me into my office please?” Steve breathed a quiet sigh of relief, Tony got of pretty lightly this time.  
They continued to follow him until they reached his office door and waited for him to open the door and step in first before they did. Steve was shocked by who he was greeted by inside. Natasha, Bruce and Clint were already seated and Thor was tucked away in the corner rolling a tennis ball around in his hand. Clearly, this wasn't as serious as Steve first though, everyone looks way too relaxed. Steve and Tony stood behind Bruce and Natasha as there weren't any spare seats left. Steve looked quickly to his left to where Clint was sitting, there was another tight knot that formed in the pit of his stomach again. The guilt was starting to rise again.

“Now, you may be wondering why I called you all into my office this afternoon.” The principal finally spoke in a gruff voice. Suddenly anxiety spikes off in Steve again.  
“As you may know your exams are in three months, and some students I've noticed are falling behind and failing their classes, so you six are my chosen students to help a student I allocate you too. All six of you are very bright individuals with a lot of potential and I want you to help the students I give you also reach full potential.”

“Isn't that your job though sir?!” Tony complains folding his arms. Steve turned to face him, he wished he had the balls Tony did sometimes.  
“Mr Stark as you may know the ratio to students to teachers is overwhelming. This time of year is especially stressful for you students and all the teachers including myself. So I figured out who needs the most support and I brought my best students to help me.”  
“With all due respect, sir were seniors not qualified teachers. How can we study and tutor someone?” Bruce abruptly asks. The principle sighs in response.  
“Of course you’ll still have time to study. All I ask is you give up a couple of hours once or twice a week after school or at lunch to help the student I give you homework or help with revision or whatever they need assistance with. I have full confidence that you all can benefit from this, heck, you may even make a friend in the process.”

Steve looked across to where Thor was sat, he was still playing around with the tennis ball and looked like he wasn't paying attention. Clearly, he wasn't impressed with the idea either, and that was later confirmed that no one was happy with the idea when Clint questioned what they would gain from this.

“Look, guys, I promise to make your efforts worth it. I’ll try and figure out a nice reward for you all but would you all please at least try. I want every student to have a chance at passing.” Steve liked Mr Fury. no one really knew his first name, or how he gained an eyepatch or even if he was missing an eye. But Steve liked him, he was a good principal with good morals and a strong workforce. Steve trusted his idea even if no one else did.  
“I’ll do it, sir.” Steve felt like this was going to be a mistake, but what was the worst that could happen. Maybe helping someone else would help distract him from his problems for a while.  
“Thank you Mr Rogers! Anyone else wants to also be supporting his decision?”  
There were a few groans in response -mostly coming from Steve and Thor- and clint sighed heavily sinking lower into his chair.  
“Great we are now babysitters.” Tony whined. 

The principal gave all six of them separate pieces of paper that included the name of the student they were helping, and what their predicted grades were and what lessons they needed help in.  
“Now I've already taken the liberty to tell your new students that they will be having you for the next few months to help tutor them and they've all agreed, so no complaining especially you Tony!” Tony rolled his eyes in response.  
“I’ll catch up with you all individually later next week, and i'll know whether or not you've seen them or not because I'll check in! Now off to lunch the lot of you.” and Steve followed as he walked out of the office with the others down the hallway to the cafeteria. 

“Sooo…” Bruce smirks, waiting to drop behind the others with Steve so they couldn't be heard in earshot. Steve shrugged in response, he hasn't even looked at the piece of paper since it was given to him. He pulls the paper from his pocket, unsure if he should open it. He was nervous truth to be told.  
“I have a kid called Stephen, Stephen Strange. You know him?”  
The name sounded familiar but unable to place a name with a face Steve shrugged again.  
“No idea, sorry.” He shot an apologetic smile, steves heart was hammering loudly against his chest. God what if he had someone he didn't like? His mind started to fall deep into a rabbit hole of panic.

“Shit what if he had bucky?!”

Steve was pulled from his thought process again when Bruce asked again who he had. He could practically feel his heartbeat through his fingertips as he opened the paper.

“Sam Wilson?”  
Steve blew a secret sigh of relief. He started to feel ashamed and a fraction ridiculous. Why would it be bucky?! He tried to mentally pull himself together and looked up to Bruce, he felt like an idiot. steve tried to play it off as nothing, he couldn't give away the secret panic that erupted in his head, so he smiled trying so hard to show no signs of embarrassment. 

“Oh I know him, a sweet kid reminds me of you actually.” Bruce smiled back.  
“You’ll like him!”  
Steve hoped he was right, although deep down he wished it was Bucky. He really couldn't deny that he wasn't slightly disappointed. But he knew maybe it was for the best, and besides Bucky seems like a really smart kid. 

Steve and Bruce picked up their pace and continued to follow the rest of the group into the canteen. They were all so caught up in a conversation about who they had, none of them had noticed his and Bruce's quiet conversation.  
They all always sat together at lunch, always at the same spot too. But this time Bucky came to join them. Steve sighed, was he ever going to catch a break today all his constantly felt on and off today is a twisted gut.  
Everyone was to invest into conversation though to notice Steve was locked in his own world again. But mostly he was trying to avoid looking at Bucky who unfortunately was sitting opposite him. Throughout the whole of lunch, Steve made an effort to make sure he averted his gaze at all times to look at anyone but Bucky. He knew it was rude but he wasn't sure he would be able to not have a repeat of his earlier awestruck reactions. 

He mostly listened in, only chiming once or twice into a conversation just so the facade of him being okay didn't give away he was really feeling on edge. What didn't help as he could feel Bucky's eyes burning into the side of his head. By the end of lunch, he managed to figure out who had who. Bruce had Stephen Strange, Tony had Peter Parker, Natasha had Wanda maximoiff, and Thor had Peter Quill and somehow Clint had Bucky. 

Steve couldn't get up fast enough when it was time for their next class, he tried had to not make it look obvious he was trying to flee but he didn't want to risk Bucky trying to talk to him, or Bruce for that matter. He couldn't wait to meet Sam, he was hoping this guy was going to be easy to get along with. But all worries subsided when Bruce pulled Sam aside and introduced Steve to him. 

Maybe things aren't going to be so bad after all...

\--

Steve waited in the library for sam after school as arranged by their very fast and brief introduction. Sam seemed like a decent guy and seemed very keen to knuckle down so after exchanging a few texts they agreed to meet in the library.  
As soon as Sam's eyes caught steve’s he was beaming, he walked straight up to him and pulled his books out his bag before he sat down.  
“So should I called you Mr Rogers or is Steve okay with you?” he teased throwing a playful punch into steves upper arm.  
“Call me Steve please, I’m a student also you know.” He couldn't help but laugh.  
“Yeah but you’re the teacher now and I'm your student. So i thought maybe I should treat this how I would any normal teacher.” Already Steve was beginning to find Sam amusing, but he still couldn't find himself able to focus. The elder boy apologised and explained he had a tough day and asked if maybe if Sam just wanted to get to know each other more. Sam happily agreed and soon Steve was starting to realise he and Sam had more in common than he thought they would. Both enjoyed the gym and drinking and video games, and both shared an equal amount of love for history. Steve felt the tightness in the pit of his stomach ease with each passing minute. He was glad he was paired with Sam because he was clearly what Steve needed right now.

After Two hours spent with getting to know one another, they eventually called it day after they realised it was already getting late. Steve shook Sam's hand before they parted ways, and in doing so Sam laughed making a joke about how old fashioned Steve is. 

“You’re a hilarious man.” Sam pulled Steve into a hug “See you tomorrow?”  
Steve nodded in response, he was looking forward to it already, this boy was like a breath of fresh air to him, something in which he didn't know he needed but his felt like he's been suffocating.  
It was half seven by the time Steve got home, as soon as he walked through the door she shrugged the bag of his back and took off his shoes and placed them on the little shoe rack by the door. 

“Studying?” Sarah Rodgers asked she was standing leant against the doorway it looked like she was just finishing dinner herself, empty plate in her left hand.

“Yeah, Mr Fury has got me and the gang to become mentors, were all helping one student until our exams helping them pass, but I-”  
Steve was interrupted by is mothers arms suddenly wrapped around him, it took him a second to register and then he returned the gesture.  
“I’m so proud of you!” she was beaming, nothing made Steve happier than when his mother says she's proud of him.  
“Joseph!” Sarah shouted releasing steve and walked through to the kitchen where his father was sat, his head buried in a newspaper. His head picked up once he heard his name called he folded his newspaper and looked up.

“Our son is so clever, isn't he! Did you hear what he said?! The principal picked him to mentor other students!” Steve could hear her from the kitchen, he followed her in after a moment. 

His father smiled, something in which he didn't do much of these days. Since His mother died in the fall it's taken a huge chunk of him. Steve felt like he lost a grandmother and his father in the process, but it made me even more appreciative that he did get such a reaction.

“Well, just one actually.” Steve felt a warmth spread around his body, oh how it made a nice change from feeling guilt and anxiety.  
“Proud of you son.” Now Steve really was on cloud nine.

After a while of praising and congratulation, finally, Steve asked if he could go to study in his room. He didn't notice how much he was holding himself stiff until he began to relax with Sam, but even now his body was serving him aching reminders that his day was stressful. 

The same moment he decided he needed a shower, he felt his phone buzz in his back pocket. He pulled out his phone and the notification was from Bruce. Steve sighed and placed his phone face down on his bed. 

Suddenly he felt himself go tight and stiff again.

Deciding to read the message after his shower he pulled his shirt up and over his head, and sheaded the rest of his clothing he pulled a towel off his stand around his waist and headed into the bathroom.

The warm water was a welcome feeling. Near as pleasant as the praise he received from both parents. But the hot water felt like it was seeping into his skin, relaxing every aching sore muscle in his body. His mind switched off for a moment, totally blank. Steve couldn't be more thankful that his mind was quiet for a while, all the noise of his brain throughout the day was starting to become overwhelming.  
His mind suddenly started taking him back to Bucky, the first encounter.  
Talk about terrible first impressions he grimaced, it was slightly painful thinking back to it. He felt like a fool.

Before he was being consumed by his own mind again, he turned off the water and stepped out the shower. He wiped the towel over himself and then wrapped it snugly around his waist again. He was dying to get into bed but as he walked into his room he checked the time on his phone and it was only quarter to ten.  
Before he could allow himself to decide if he should study or rest, he noticed he had multiple messages.

Two texts from Tony which read  
“Hi stinkface, hope you are doing better than earlier was wondering if you wanted to meet up with the rest of the gang this Friday for a movie”

And another text that was sent a a few minutes later.  
“Bring your new pal Sam. if you want :)”

Steve replied back, he was actually so pleased he could really do with more time with his friends, his whole life has been consumed by studying and test and test as of late. 

“Sure would love too, and I’ll ask him tomorrow!” Steve send his text off and looked through his other messages. He also had that text from Bruce that he ignored from earlier, he decided to finally read it. 

“Hi, Steve sorry if today I was being a bit disrespectful…..  
just want you to know you can talk to me anytime :)”

Steve felt guilty again.  
He felt bad for being so blunt towards him, and it had obviously taken an impact on him.

“Sorry, Bruce you haven't I’m sorry for being so rude. I really appreciate it! Promise I'll talk to you about it. Just not today” 

As soon as he sent off the message he got a response almost immediately.

“Yeah sorry still my bad for being pushy about you and Barns. But happy to talk whenever you want!”

Steve felt his stomach twist again when Bucky was mentioned. It was almost a reflex now, whenever Bucky was mentioned or even if Steve thought about him; he was causing steve's body to psychically react every time.  
To distract himself once again he read the last message of his phone which was from Sam, he smiled instantly.

“Sup Mr Rogers thanks again for seeing me today even if we did no work. Still good getting to know you! :P”

“No problem Sam see you tomorrow after school again in the library?”  
Steve was hesitant at first if he should plan another session so soon, but he was meant to give Sam his help and he failed that today so he decided to try again tomorrow now they have broken the ice a little. Steve knew if this were him he would want to crack down as soon as he could, but he left the decision up to sam, he didn't want to push it. 

“Sure!” was all he replied but Steve was glad that maybe he was on the same wavelength as him when it came to studying.

\--

Over the week Steve met with Sam every day after school and they went over all Sams subjects and Steve helped him with understanding the modules and breaking down any information he was stuck on. He was enjoying spending time with the younger boy, even though Sam was keen to learn and listened to Steve's every word, he was still able to crack a few jokes here and there.  
The more time they spent together the better friends they became. After remembering Tony's invite he asked Sam if he wanted to join and he happily accepted.

Friday rolled around fast, Steve woke up excited knowing he would be spending time with all his friends instead of reading textbook after textbook hoping all the information would stay in.  
But his mood was suddenly switched again when at lunch Clint asked Tony if Bucky was welcome to join.  
Tony laughed in response playfully elbowing Clint in the ribs.  
“Of course he can! More the merrier! But would he want to crash at mine also with the rest of us? Was thinking we could play some video games in the evening. Nat and Thor aren't coming back to mine but I was hoping you and Steve and Bruce could, and of course Bucky.”  
Steves attention was drawn away from his own mind and over to where Tony was sat with Clint, both of them was staring at Steve.

“You are staying at mine after, right Stevie?”  
He wanted to say no, but something within him was telling him that he should say yes. After all he needed to treasure all the time he had left with his friends, he was growing more and more aware every day that it was getting closer to exams, then prom then graduation and then everyone would be going off doing their own thing, and he knew that they all were going to be dotted around the country at different colleges. So he subsided his thoughts of negativity and agreed to stop over. He decided he was being ridiculous, he needed to stop letting Bucky control his mind, his feelings and decisions. Even though it wasn't even Bucky's fault…

\--

Finally, it was the last class of the day, and the whole time Tony sat by Steve flicking pieces of rubber at him until he finally Steve gave in and turned to Tony. they were meant to be discussing in a team of two but Steve decided he would get more done by himself because he knew Tony wasn't taking it seriously. Tony was frustrating to Steve because he really was very clever, a straight A student in fact, but he also had the concentration of a goldfish and got bored easily so often he was mistaken for stupid.

“Tony you piss me off’” was all Steve could say before the final bell of the day went off.  
Tony smirked, throwing the rest of the rubber at Steve's head.”

 

“I know.”

 

\--

Steve drove Natasha and Bruce to the restaurant where they were meeting the rest of the gang at. Steve and Tony were the only ones who owned cars and could drive, Natasha owned a 2016 Harley Davidson, but she rarely drove it to school as she only lived a few minute walk to school, Steve didn't blame her if he owned such a beautiful bike he wouldn't let it leave the garage. 

“Thanks for agreeing to take us,” Natasha said grinning in the seat next to Steve, she always called shotgun whenever Steve drove them anywhere even in Tony's car. 

“It's okay, I don’t mind it's not like I would’ve let you take the bus or something.”  
“Yeah plus it takes so long to get to the cinema by bus.” Bruce interjected.  
“Yeah, that too.” Natasha rolled her eyes, with a faint laugh.

Steve could feel the sweat and warmth in his palms as he held the wheel, he began to drift off again and think of how he was going to see Bucky again, he was so on edge again, but this time he was hoping to redo all his other encounters and make Bucky not think he was some weirdo.  
What did it matter though, it's not like Bucky's opinion of him really mattered of how he thought of Steve.  
But to Steve, it really was bothering him.

A lot.

Steve pulled up next to Tony's car and all three got out and headed into the restaurant after Steve locked the car. Nat unexpectedly pulled at Steve's arm which earned her his sudden attention.  
“Is everything okay Steve? You were really quiet in the car, and you look a bit on edge if I’m being honest.” there was obvious concern in her voice, she basically was like the mother of their group plus being the only girl made Steve think maybe she adopted this motherly role because the rest of the gang were basically younger than her also apart from Steve who was the oldest. 

He considered telling her the truth for a moment, telling her how all his been able to think about is how he feels funny whenever he sees Bucky and the guilt that's killing him because his Clint’s boyfriend. But he decided it wasn't the right moment and he knew once he said it out loud it would become to real and he couldn't cope with that right now, especially because of the fact that he was about to see Bucky.

“I’m just stressed Nat, don't worry I’m okay besides this whole evening will make me feel better soon so don't worry.” He shot her a smile just to try and make his lie believable, but it wasn't even a lie he was stressed about exams and all, but it wasn't causing as much anxiety as it was that the thought of in a moment he was going to be guilt-ridden again a soon as he sees Clint.

She didn't say anything in response, she just smiled and carried on walking with him into the restaurant. He knew that she wasn't totally convinced by his answer, but she didn't ask again so he just followed along.

As soon as he walked inside he saw all his friends sat in the back corner and his eyes instantly locked with Buckys.  
“Shit.”

“Come sit next to me!” Sam smiled tapping the empty seat next to him, Steve suddenly realised Bucky was now also next to him somehow he ended up in the middle. Clint was sat opposite Bucky and Natasha was next to him and Thor on the end with Bruce and Tony at the top and bottom end of the table. Steve could feel his heart thumping against his chest, it felt like his chest cavity was going to rip open.

“Hi Steve.” Bucky sweetly smiled, he and Clint were holding hands across the table, but Clint was talking to Nat so Steve figured Bucky was making conversation with him as barely knew anyone else and throughout the week he had made conversation but Steve always softly shut it down.  
He really was trying, trying so hard but Bucky made it virtually impossible to ignore. Plus Steve felt as though he wasn't a rude person, he felt appalled by the fact that he almost considered ignoring the dark haired boy.

“So how're things?” Bucky was still smiling, even though Steve had pulled his attention to the menu, he could see that perfect smile out the corner of his eye.  
“They’re alright, how are you and Clint getting on with your tutoring.”  
Steve felt jealousy wash over him again as the words left his mouth, he hated himself so much for feeling something he isn't supposed too. He can't be jealous over someone who A) already taken and B) not his.

Just as Bucky started telling Steve how much fun they've had revising together, Clint's attention was drawn towards their end of the table at the mention of his name.  
“Actually Steve, I was wondering if I could talk to you about this whole tutoring thing?”  
Steve's stomach was doing summersaults after summersault and his heart still was loudly banging against his rib cage causing Steve to go deaf for a second. Suddenly every single possible problem came to his mind, his anxiety was overwhelming.  
“Yeah, I know this is quite the ask and I know how well you and Sam have been getting on. But Obviously, Principle Fury has no idea I and Bucky are together so at first, it seemed like a good idea that I was his tutor nut then we kept… getting distracted.” those words made Bucky's cheeks blush. Steve didn't need to ask what kind of distractions.  
“Erm well-”  
“I have already asked sam and he said it's cool if we swap. Please, Steve I really want Bucky to pass and you’re the best at history out if all of us and Bucky really needs to pass history.”  
Steve looked next to him where Sam was sat listening in.  
“Do you mind?” Steve begged that Clint wasn't serious and that Sam would put up a fight and say he didn't want to swap, but it seemed that they had already decided -without him- Steve sighed and smiled looking over at Clint.

“Fine.”

But his heart was definitely now beating way faster than it should, and his head was exploding with sirens blaring off telling him he shouldn't have said yes.  
But it was too late.

“Thank you!” Bucky let go of his boyfriend's hand to pull Steve into a hug, Steve didn't move a muscle it was like his body just went into shock. Before Steve could say anything he heard Clint say from across the table  
“You better be good to my Bucky, no funny business Rodgers.”  
Steve knew he was joking but Fuck it felt too real.  
How was any of this even happening right now… Steve felt his stomach twist and his throat felt like it was closing up.  
When Bucky released him from his embrace he asked Steve if he could have his number so they could arrange when and where to study.  
This was a sick blessing with a curse.  
Steve did want to be friends with Bucky but he knew the more time he spent with him, the more these feelings would grow. 

He had no choice now, he just went with it.  
He gave Bucky his number and vice versa.  
He really couldn't believe this had happened.

\--

Steve barley ate, he had a small plate of pasta and cheese and it didn't help the whole time Bucky kept going on about how excited he was to be taught by Steve and how happy he was that he may actually pass.  
After a lot of mental butt kicks to himself, he forced himself to eat and join in different conversations with everyone. Steve wondered if Clint was slightly jealous that Bucky was so happy, beaming in fact since Steve agreed to tutor him, but he tried not to think about that.

After their meal they all headed over to the cinema, it was only a short walk but Bucky insisted on walking with Steve.  
He thought how adorable this kid was, he was going on about his favourite Tv series but Steve was zoning in and out just trying to act like he wasn't really happy about the fact Bucky wanted to talk to him.

“I’m glad you two are getting on so well.” Clint smiled putting his arm around Bucky's shoulders. Steve smiled in response and suddenly Clint pulled Bucky in for a kiss. It was almost like Clint was making a point, but Steve felt like now he was definitely being paranoid.  
“I love you.” he heard Clint loving say, Steve kept his eyes fixed ahead trying not to look next to him where the two were whispering sweet nothings to each other.  
Steve didn't have a problem with PDA but he missed having that sort of affection with someone. 

As they all brought their tickets Bruce came up to Steve giving him a cheeky half smirk. He knew exactly what he was thinking without even him having to say.  
They all got seated and again Bucky insisted he sat by Steve. It would've been cute if it wasn't for the fact that he was getting really paranoid that Clint was getting annoyed. But how could he? He wasn't doing anything wrong, he was being polite. And besides Clint can't be annoyed at him, it was his idea for Steve to be his new tutor anyway.

Natasha sat on Steves left, her head rested on Steve's shoulder s the film started. Throughout all the years his known her for she always would show small signs of affection towards him. They both knew there were no feelings for one another, but they were like the brother and sister neither of them had. Steve felt special ln that Nat felt comfortable enough to display such affection towards him. She wasn't an over-affectionate person but it was rare occasions she allowed her guard to drop. Steve rested his head on top of hers and allowed himself to get absorbed by the film. Although a little voice in his head told him to look on his right where Bucky was sat, and when he did look Suddenly so did Bucky and Bucky gave him the most heartwarming smile. And for a second he forgot how to breathe.

God, he was fucked.  
\--

After the cinema, they all said goodbye to Thor and Natasha, and Steve pulled the redhead into a tight embrace.  
“Wish you could’ve come.” Steve breathed still hugging Natasha.  
“I know I will next time, I’m sorry I hope you have a good time though. I hope you feel better about whatever it is that's troubling you.”  
He released her from the hug but still held onto her arms softly, she looked at him and he hoped she would understand that really wanted to talk to her about it, but couldn't. Especially not while everyone else was around. He eventually let go of her and she smiled pulling out her phone.  
“I’ll text you!”  
“Better do.” they both laughed.

Thor fist pumped Steve and the others and he and Nat walked off the opposite way towards the bus stops on the main road.  
It had already been a few seconds and already he missed her terribly.

Sam suddenly turned to Steve telling him he had to go home and apologised to everyone and before Steve could ask if he wanted a lift home he was gone.

They all piled into Tony's car, Bruce called shotgun and for the third time that evening Steve was sat next to Bucky.  
Clint rested his head on Bucky's like he and Nat were earlier, but he couldn't help but notice Bucky was still looking at him.  
“Right here's to a night of gaming!” Tony excitedly shouted and raised his hands in the air which a “whoo!” and a cheer from everyone.  
Steve was really having to keep up his act, he was excited, yes. But he was also so nervous. His first time hanging out with Bucky was exciting yet he knew he couldn't let Clint for a moment realise how he felt about his boyfriend, so he made sure from now on to keep some space between him and Bucky. 

When they arrived at Tony's house they all headed into his basement which was basically steves own ‘man den.’  
Tony's house was huge with six bedrooms and two bathrooms and every bedroom had its own ensuite. Whenever they arranged to meet up it would always be at Tony's, the guy even had his own cinema.  
Tony never gloat about how rich his family was, or how he lived in a nice house but he did always boast without fail, his high score on halo.

“I’ll meet you all in my room, I’ve got a project set up in my basement so I rather we went to my room instead.” Tony carried on walking through to his kitchen and started pouring drinks into a glass.  
“I didn't realise how loaded the Starks were!” Bucky quietly whispers to Clint, but both Bruce and Steve could her. Steve forgot how this was Bucky's first time in the Starks residence, although he and Clint had been together for a while they were very hush hush until Clint decided he wanted to make it public that he was bisexual, and then son after that was when he agreed they could all meet Bucky. Of course at first, it came to a shock, especially when he was dating someone who was even in the same classes as them. But Natasha wasn't, so Steve wondered if she knew or found out. Either way, nothing ever gets past her.

“It's beautiful isn't it Bucky.” Clint nodded towards the huge chandelier that was in the middle of the hallway.  
Bucky nodded and smiled at his boyfriend.  
“I like your friends.” Bucky's smile was now even bigger. Steve had to push back the intruding thoughts of him thinking how sweet and adorable he was. 

As they headed up the spiral staircase and into Tony's room, Bruce made himself comfortable on Tony's queen sized bed and Clint and Bucky sat on the sofa facing the TV.  
Steve started taking his shoes off, a habit he had always dome and every time Tony insisted that it was fine that he kept them on but Steve was raised to always take your shoes off at the door. Plus his shoes were starting to feel uncomfortable, they were new and Steve just wanted his feet to breathe a bit.  
“Hey, Steve come sit with us.” Bucky called over from where he and Clint were at. He hesitated for a moment and then smiled shaking his head.  
“It's already Buck, I’ll sit on the bed with Bruce for a moment.”  
Steve would be lying if he said he didn't feel bad when Bucky's face twisted up in sadness at Steve declining his offer. But he couldn't let Clint catch on. As much as he would’ve loved to sit by him he also didn't want to piss of Clint.

Steve walked over to the bed and then dived straight into it, but controlled himself so he wouldn't accidentally land on Bruce. 

“Right let's party!” Tony burst in the room with all the drinks on a dray, Steve could make out there was a mixture of alcoholic and soft drinks.  
“I got your lemonade Steve, Your beer Bruce, and Clint I got you ale and Bucky I didn't know what you wanted so I got you a soda or a beer- or wine?” Tony started handing the drinks out and when he got to Bucky Steve saw him pick up the wine glass, and he rolled his eyes. of course, he was also a wine fan.  
“Fancy pants.” Clint giggled before taking a gulp of his drink and placing it down on the coffee table in front of them.  
“So what? We all know I’m a woman.” Bucky replied before also taking a sip.  
“Hey, now nothing wrong in liking wine!” Tony warned playfully. “Actually this that wine is from my personal collection. I was going to give it my parents as a wedding anniversary but i brought them some fancy ass champagne instead.”  
Clint rolled his eyes in response.  
“Course you did.” 

\--

As the evening progressed, somehow they all ended up on the floor in front of the TV.  
Bucky was sat in between Clint's legs and had his arm around him with the other holding his third drink of the evening.  
Bruce was lying flat out, resting his feet and head on a cushion and Tony was sat next to Steve with few empty beer cans between them.

Steve never normally drank, he saw himself as an occasional drinker or a social drinker. He never normally drank but he decided he owed it to himself to let his hair down a bit.  
Everyone seemed invested in the film they were watching except Tony, and Steve couldn't focus as every few seconds Tonys phone kept going off. Even when he switched it to silent he was still distracted, but more for the fact that he was curious about who Tony was talking too.  
Every time his phone lit up, so did Tonys face.

“Go on then Tony, whos the unlucky girl?” Steve playfully pushed his shoulder into Tonys hoping he could get a better look.  
Tonys pulled his phone up out of Steves line of vision and frowned.  
“None of your business Rodgers!” he teased sticking his tongue out. It earned a chuckle from everyone.  
“If you must know she is a wonderful woman. We met a few days ago at a science convention.” Steve couldn't help but feel admiration for Tony as he saw the way his eye lit up as he talked about her. Tony had multiple girlfriends in the past, but Tony never seemed to grow this bright before.  
“I’m happy for you.” Steve hoped he could see how genuinely pleased he was for him. It was about time he found the right girl.  
Tony just smiled and looked back at his phone, the film was still playing but Steves interest suddenly turned to Bucky again. 

He wished he was as lucky as Cint and Tony, but he knew someday the right person will come along.

\--

A few hours past and everyone had fallen asleep but Steve. He began to text Nat when quietly he heard Bucky call him softly from the sofa.  
Steve looked behind him to see Clint was fast asleep his sleepy body draped over Bucky, but as he started to get up his limbs fell off him like a ragdoll. 

“Whatcha’ doin’?” As Steve turned around he heard Bucky's footsteps walk towards him.

He can't escape…

Bucky sat next to the older boy on the floor, Steve quickly put his phone away as he realised the text composed Buckys name in it, and he was loosely admitting he sort of liked the guy, and he couldn't risk Bucky seeing it.

“Erm, nothing. Was just checking the time.” he smiled hoping Bucky would buy the lie.  
“Cool.” was all he responded, and Steve suddenly felt a sharp red hot pain clutch his head. He often suffered from headaches but nothing as server as this.  
Steve tried to play it off as he was fine, but soon he couldn't help but to twist his face up in discomfort.  
“Shit are you alright?” Buckys eyes were full of panic, but Steve kept reassuring him that he was fine.  
“Buck seriously I’m okay, probably just from lack of sleep.” Buckys face said it all really. He was clearly concerned but after what felt like the tenth time of Steve assuring he was fine he finally gave up.

“Maybe a glass of water would help?”  
“Possibly, but honestly it's fading now anyway.” But Bucky was on his feet and took the empty glass and went into the ensuite and poured water in the glass, and walked over handing it to Steve.  
He thanked the dark-haired boy and took a sip, the cold water was a sudden shock to his system but he already was feeling better.

“Thanks, Buck.”  
Although Steve had pretty much called him that all night, this time it drew Bucky's cheeks to turn a shade of crimson.  
“No problem.” 

For the rest of the evening they sat talking quietly in front of the TV, they browsed through Netflix until they decided on another film to watch. But Steve couldn't help but notice it was almost like Bucky was purposely brushing against Steve. Every time Steve moved an inch away, Bucky closed the space up again so eventually he gave up. But the fire was building in his belly again.  
It was guilt. 

\-- 

He couldn't remember how but he ended up somehow on the floor with a pillow under his head and blanket over him. He didn't understand where the blanket was from.  
Steve rubbed his eyes trying to adjust to the daylight beaming through the half-closed blinds. And he wasn't the only one awake, so was Bucky and Clint.  
They were sat on the couch talking softly between themselves, it must have been either Clint or Bucky who gave him the blanket. Shaking the thought of it Bucky being the one who gave them to him.

“Morning sleepy head!” Clint whispered over to Steve as soon as he released the blonde was awake.  
Steve sat up and stretched, his back hurt and so did his neck. But that mind tearing headache had luckily subsided for now.  
“Morning.” he yawned back, as he stretched again his shirt rode up a little exposing his V line. He saw Bucky's face blush, and his eyes were quickly looking all over the room as suddenly he had been caught. Steves' stomach fluttered and he felt his face got hot also.  
He thanked his lucky stars that Clint was way to caught up with whatever he was looking at on his phone to notice.  
But Steves' heart was still racing, he couldn't understand why he embarrassed himself but maybe it's just because he caught onto Bucky checking him out.  
And it felt… good….

\--

By the time 10 am rolled around Tony and Bruce were awake, and they were sat at Tony's desk discussing some project they were working on.  
Steve was too far away to be able to hear what it was they were disgusting but knew they had been working on this project for months now.  
Whatever it was both Bruce and Tony were very excited about it.

Steve looked at his phone and saw Natasha and Sam had messaged him. Their texts were pretty similar apologizing about not coming, but Nats stood out.

“You like Bucky don't you?” 

And Steve felt his face flush of colour, he wasn't surprised she figured it out but she was none the wiser still of his sexuality.  
He thought for a while what to put, everything he started to type he deleted again he couldn't find the rights words.  
Finally, he decided on what to say, but he still felt uncomfortable admitting it because it was wrong, and will always be wrong. Be he knew he couldn't help how he felt, plus he wasn't acting upon how he felt if anything he was trying to be as respectful as he could.  
He re-read what he typed, and with a sigh he finally sent it.

“Nat, I don't know how to explain it. I do but I know it's wrong, I would never do anything to hurt their relationship. I can't control how I feel and I’m trying not to feel, but now I've agreed to tutor bucky I can't help but feel so guilty. I don't know what to do Nat but I won’t do anything to hurt anyone, I’m so worried.”

Waiting for her reply felt like a boulder was sitting on his chest, it was crushing him and he felt he couldn't breathe anymore. He was starting to feel his breathing was irregular and his mind was foggy and hazy and his eyes started to tunnel vision.  
Steve had had panic attacks before, but this felt different.  
But he was definitely panicking.  
Luckily everyone was too engrossed in what they were doing to notice, and Steve wasn't sure if he was glad or not. He didn't want to worry his friends but also he felt as though he was losing his mind. Now he admitted how he felt it was now so real, he thought he should be relieved to finally tell someone but he actually felt worse. 

After felt like hours (but was actually minutes) she finally replied.

“Steve you are the most genuine guy there is. I know we can't help who we like, but you’re right you need to be careful. If you're free tomorrow we can go to our favourite coffee shop?” 

And something in Steve's mind made him relax. Maybe it was because Natasha gave him the answer he needed or wanted, but either way, he was so thankful they were friends.  
Steve starting replying right away, he began to stand up stretching again slightly, when suddenly Bucky came up behind him trying to look over his shoulder. Even though Steve was slightly bigger then Bucky the worry kicked in and he quickly pressed his home screen to avoid him accidentally seeing.  
“Can I ask you something?” Bucky asked sweetly.  
Steve nodded. His heart had only just become regular again, he wondered if he could have a heart attack if this continued…

“Can we do some studying today?” 

And then Steves' heart stopped.

“Look I know it's last minute but Clint said he's going to head home soon and keen to get stuck into this history homework I haven't completed.”  
There was something about the innocence in his voice that made him feel guilty if he were to say no, but he wasn't even sure if he was up for such a task today. Not only is he exhausted from a late night, but he always doesn't know if his heart can take anymore. 

“Bucky, I’m not sure don't you need some rest?”  
“No sir! James Barnes doesn't do resting.” he was smiling with that adorable grin again. Steve realised it was the first time heard him refer to his real name. He sort of forgot Bucky wasn't his real name.  
Maybe he could give him an hour or two…

“Okay fine, but no messing about okay? I’ll help you wish your homework and then i need to catch some serious Zs.”

Bucky just looked into Steves eyes, he could feel his mind doing the foggy haziness again. It was like nucky was looking right through into his soul, reading right into the dark depth of his mind and was figuring out a map inside his head.  
Steve broke the eye contact and looked down at his feet and then over at Bruce and Tony whos heads were now buried in a array of papers across the desk. 

“I promise i’ll be good!” 

Steve laughed, hard, maybe too hard but how couldn't he. This boy was ridiculous, he must be testing him surely.  
\--

After an hour of deciding where they was going to go they finally decided Steves was the best place as he knew both his parents would be out so it would be perfect conditions to work in.  
Tony dropped Bucky and Steve off at the restaurant car park where Steve had left his car, he knew it was perfectly okay to leave it there, he often did when he stayed at Tonys but he still was worried incase it was stolen. But he rather leave his little car there rather have it parked on Tonys drive where he felt embarrassed. He felt stupid about it but every single car down his street was brand new and fancy and very expensive. 

Steve and Bucky thanked tony before heading towards Steves car.  
“You know you have to hide your car every time you come to mine you know.” Tony lifted his sunshades.  
“Yeah well, thanks again Tony.” Steve said as he shut the car door.  
“Don't do anything i wouldn't boys.” And that shit eating grin was plastered on his face again.  
And then he drove off. Steve rolled his eyes even though Tony couldn't see.

It was a short drive to Steves, but the whole time Bucky insisted on blasting the radio and singing at the top of his lungs. Steve didn't mind, but his horrendous headache came back for revenge. 

They both exited the car and headed towards Steves front door.  
“You sure your parents would be okay with this?” Bucky asked and Steve just assured him that his parents were out and they would be okay with it anyway. 

Steve let Bucky in first as he opened the door, Bucky smile was plastered across his face again.  
The older boy wasn't sure how this boys mouth had not fallen off by now, the amount he smiled. His lips looked so soft and pink, Bucky was standing close enough for him to see the intricate details of his face, Steve was now smiling too.  
For a moment Steve froze as Bucky bend down in front of him, he was frozen on the spot but Bucky took his shoes off. Of course, Steve mentally kicked himself, he becomes an idiot around this boy.  
Why else would he be bending down in front of him…  
He needed to get a grip he though trying to look away as Bucky slowly rose up again.

And Steve would be lying if he did not admit that his heart double beat when bucky simple said:

“Upstairs then?” 

Steve tried to speak but he couldn't actually get a single word out, his actually struggling and he hates it.

“Take that as a yes?” Bucky was now laughing and Steve felt subconscious, he felt so pathetic he shouldn't be like this especially not with one of his best friends boyfriend!  
“Pull yourself to Rogers,” he muttered under his breath 

“What was that sorry?” Bucky questioned now at the top of the stairs.  
“Nothing, my room is straight ahead of you, I’ll be with you in a second. Would you like a drink?”  
“No thanks Steve, hurry up!” he could hear him laughing even though he was now in his room.  
He really was starting to hate himself again, he was soaking up that laugh every time and he wanted to hear it more.

After he poured himself a drink he finally met Bucky upstairs and to his surprise (but thankful) to see him pulling a textbook out of his bag and his notebook.  
Steve asked if he wanted to sit at his desk instead and he agreed, he pulled his chair out for bucky to sit on and he stood next to him viewing the question sheet Bucky was given to complete. Steve started to chew the inside of his cheek trying to mentally work out how to help Bucky.

“So what is it you actually need help with? This question sheet?”  
Bucky nodded, chewing the end of his pen he opened his textbook and showed Steve what module he was working on.  
“Ah World war two.” Steve was glad, this war fascinated him the most so he was pleased he would be able to explain to Bucky in great detail.

After an hour Bucky had finished his homework and the questions sheet, and the whole time Steve talked Bucky stared at Steve and after a while, it started to put Steve off slightly, he couldn't understand why he was looking at him like a slab of meat.

“Sorry, erm Buck I can’t concentrate when you glare at me like that, you’re making me feel self-conscious.” he laughed nervously. As soon as the words left his mouth he regretted it, but he was struggling to actually teach bucky.  
“S- S- Sorry.” He looked away quickly back at the book in front of him, he was certain he was blushing.

Steve smiled even though he knew he couldn't see, Steve decided he was just nervous it wasn't anything else.  
“Sorry Stevie, just like looking at people when they talk, helps me concentrate.” he was still looking at his textbook and his cheeks were a rosy red, but he could tell he was looking at him through the corner of his eye. 

“Sorry doesn't matter, now where was I?”  
Steve continued explaining his last point, he tried to act unfazed by the fact he was slightly melting by the legs.  
“You’re great you know,” Bucky said quietly out of nowhere, he clearly hadn't been listening the last few minutes.  
“How so?” Steve moved his gaze to Buckys and he had a soft grin on his face as opposed to his large toothy one.  
“If I didn't understand something Clint got cross and would shout at me, and I have a terrible memory so sometimes it got really stressful, you know?” Bucky sighed deeply, this was clearly something that was clearly bothering him a lot and it seemed to be the first time he shared this as he seemed a lot lighter and his eyes looked brighter after saying it.  
“He loves you, Buck, I’m sure he's just frustrated because he wants you to pass so bad and his stressed himself.”  
“Does he really though?” Bucky's eyes had changed, they were sadder and there wasn't a single spark in them.

Steve felt his stomach twist again, but not in the same way as it normally does. He felt something for this kid and just seeing him so hurt and upset triggered some protective instinct inside him.  
Without thinking he pulled the smaller boy into a hug, and Bucky stood up turned to face him pressed his face into Steve's shoulder. And he could feel his body shaking and stiffening.  
He was crying.

Not sure if what to do Steve pulled him tighter softly whispering-  
“It's okay, you’re okay, don't cry Buck.”  
And that made him cry harder. Steve felt himself grow warm and hot, almost like suddenly someone turned the heating on. He felt uncomfortable suddenly conscious of the fact he was holding Bucky in his arms.  
But Steve couldn't let go, he didn't want to let go. 

They stood there for a moment until eventually, Bucky pulled back sniffling wiping his face on his sleeve. Steve handed him a tissue from the box on his desk and he blew his nose.  
“I’m so sorry.” he laughed rubbing his eyes, he was clearly embarrassed.  
“It’s okay honestly, sometimes you just need to let it out.” Steve smiled trying to make him feel better and Bucky smiled back, and clearly, it worked as it gained a smile from Bucky.

“Thank you, Steve.” He said softly. Bucky's face had softened and he looked almost childlike, he looked helpless and all Steve wanted to do was pull him back into his arms but he knew he couldn't do that, not again anyway. Once was enough to cause gut-wrenching guilt to course his body again, so a second time would be out the question.  
But Steves' heart was melting, even with Bucky's puffy eyes and snotty dribbling nose Steve still thought he was the most beautiful man he's ever seen.

That's it, his definitely fucked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve lands himself in more trouble as he gets drunk at Tony's house, and Bucky can't seem to keep himself away from Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> Sorry it took me so long to post this chapter, but I ended up changing quite a few things. I've decided to cut this chapter in two as its so long so the next chapter will be all about Tony's party, and some really big things happen regarding the plot.  
> so stay tuned! :)

Throughout the course of two weeks Bucky and Steve met up every day after school in the library, and even though Steve was getting used to being around the younger boy, he still felt his stomach clench and curl and twist. He was beginning to wonder if he was ever going to get used to being around Bucky.

It was only a Tuesday and Steve was exhausted, mentally.  
He wondered if it was anything to do with seeing Bucky too much, but that couldn't be right. Yes, his anxiety spiked whenever he was around him, but now they've spent more time together he assumed he would feel better, obviously not.  
His next guess was exam and end of year stress, that seemed a more likely cause. He admitted he out of all his friends he had been spending the most time studying, especially late into the night.

Yeah, that's it. Just end of year stress.  
That's all…

One thing that had no explanation was this insane headache he gets whenever he's around Bucky. It's so explosive that he has to pause and give Bucky something else to think on while he tries to unscramble his mind. It always passes later when his home, but it's been so frequent now he just expects them. He considered the possibility of it being down to the fact that his dehydrated, or tired. But still doesn't explain why he always gets them.

Steve began to think, maybe Bucky was driving him insane. Maybe the more his trying not to push away how he feels about Bucky, the more his body is reacting back.

\--

By the time Thursday rolled around Steve was feeling better. He hadn't seen Bucky since Monday due to Bucky needing to be home earlier for family-related issues, but he was thankful in a way as it meant he could focus on himself and those explosive headaches had not shown their ugly faces since.  
But as much as he didnt want to admit, he was starting to enjoy and look forward to seeing the chatty dark haired boy. He did in fact also like teaching Bucky, he noticed how hard Bucky had been listening and taking it all in.

But they still haven't spoke about Bucky's mini breakdown, and importantly how he seemed to be implying Clint wasn't as kind behind closed doors. But Steve didn't want to push it, whatever it was that was going on it wasn't his business. Sure Steve wanted to help as best he could, but he knew better then to poke around in someone's private business. He agreed to himself that he wouldn't bring anything up until Bucky did, and the boy hadn't, so he didn't. Steve just kept focused on the task in hand and tries to help Bucky best he can.

Just as he was about to head into the canteen he felt his pocket vibrate, he tapped his Iphone home button and there was Bucky's name lit up on his screen.  
Steve felt as though he had been listening to his thoughts, crazy coincidence he text him just as he was thinking of him- but maybe he was too…

“Hey Steve! Just wanted to double check you was still cool with me coming to yours tonight to study?” 

Steve cussed under his breath, he had completely forgotten about the arrangement. Unfortunately, the library has started to fill out as of late, everyone suddenly cramming in revision and finishing projects. So both agreed to start studying at Steve's as it was more peaceful and this way, and Steve could also do some studying for himself as it was easy to access all his class notebooks and textbooks.

“Yeah sure.” was all steve replied before sliding his phone back into his pocket.  
He felt his phone instantly vibrate again and before he got chance to get it out and read the text, he was greeted by Tony.

“So Rogers what ya say to party at mine Saturday?” Tony's arms folded as he stood blocking Steves path, an eyebrow raised.  
“Tony i need to-”  
“Steve, if you are about to turn my awesome party down for your lame studying, then i will have to kick you in the balls.” He joked, or so Steve hoped.  
“If i say yes then will you promise to not kick me in the balls.” Steve pushed past Tony lightly to carry onto where their friends was seated at their usual table.  
“Well depends, but you should know, i've invited someone special.” Suddenly Tony's shit eating grin was present again, and Steve know it always meant bad news.  
“What?” The blonde asked curiously, mirroring Tony’s body language.  
“My girlfriend is coming” Tony's eyes lit up again like they did when Tony told Steve about her for the first time. But it was obvious he wasn't done there.  
“And?” Steve said poking at Tony's ribs to entice him out his love-struck trance.  
“And?” Tony parroted back.  
“I know there's always an and when you have that grin on your face.”

And honestly, Steve wasn't prepared for what Tony said next.

“Okay and maybe i invited someone else, you will like her, don't worry.”  
“WHO?!” he barked back, he hated being kept in suspense but he knew Tony was thriving off this, 

“Pepper, whos my girlfriend, by the way, goes to school with Peggy, and she mentioned how she's going to my super awesome party and asked if she could join. Isn't that cool?!”  
“Wait, Peggy, as in Peggy Carter?” Steve though his heart had stopped beating for a second.

“Yeah, do you know her?”  
Steve realized he hadn't said anything yet, but his jaw was wide open and his eyes were narrowed. 

Of course, he knew her, they had been childhood friends. They grew up on the same street in fact, they spent every summer by the lake and would skim stones, and its where steve caught his first fish and taught her how to fish also. They were each other's first kiss, and skinned their knees racing down the hills that overlooked the lake. They would stay out until sundown and counted down the hours until the morning where they could play all day again.  
Unfortunately, just before high school started she moved away across the other side of town with her family, Steve never forgave her father who was the one who suggested they moved, he tried to stay in contact with her but it was hard. Eventually, they seemed to give up, but Steve never forgot about her. He always thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world, he still does. 

 

“Yeah i know her.” Steve said softly, it was all he could say -he was still in shock- he always jokes around saying ‘it's a small world’ but what were the chances Tony’s girlfriends knows Peggy?!  
Pretty low he imagined.  
Before Steve could say anything else, Tony put his thumbs up and patted him on the shoulder.  
“Nice! Well seven thirty mine, smart casual okay?” Tony never normally had a dress attire, but he assumed he wanted to put in more of an effort as Pepper was going to be there.

They continued walking together and seated with the rest of their friends, Tony introduced Peter to the group a few days ago, and ever since he sat with them at lunch.  
Steve realised how much Tony liked the kid after he introduced him, he was a sweet kid and Tony praised him constantly and even started to treat him like a younger brother. Peter Parker was the same age as the rest of them, but he somewhat still had a baby face. Maybe it was the lack of facial hair, But Steve always assumes its just his childlike nature.  
Peter always sat next to Tony, and Steve assumed he left it for Tony, but just as Steve was about to sit by Natasha Peter waved at him.

“Hey, Mr Rogers! I saved this seat for you!” Steve raised his eyebrows and mimed back at him, pointing to himself, in which Peter nodded and patted the seat next to him.  
He was confused as to why he had asked him to sit next to him instead, but then Peter discreetly handed Steve a piece of paper under the table.  
Now Steve was even more confused. He felt like a Third grader again passing secret love notes in class.  
As Steve carefully unfolded the paper, Peters' eyes were on him the whole time.  
As he read the crumpled note he started grinning.

“I want to give Mr stark a Surprise at his party Saturday, will you help??”

Steve looked at Peter who was bouncing in his seat, he looked like he was about to explode any minute but his grin was keeping him from doing so.  
“Yeah okay” Steve whispered, he slid the paper into his jacket pocket.  
“What was you thinking?” Peter just shook his head and quietly told him he wanted to discuss it later when Tony wasn't around.  
The Blonde nodded back understanding, but he was still confused as to why he wanted his help instead of one of the others. Sure he and Parker had spoken a fair amount, but he didnt think they were that good of friends that he could trust him this fast.  
“My numbers on the back of the note i gave you, text me and we can go through it.” the younger boy whispered slightly leaning closer to Steve.  
“Sure.”

As the bell for next period rang out, Peter was already up and walking around the other side of the table to join Tony in conversation. As Steve scanned the table, he realised Clint and Bucky were missing. He was sure he didn't see them as he walked in but he assumed maybe they sat elsewhere. Steve realised he wasn't the only one who wondered when Natasha suddenly voice Steves thoughts.  
“Did Clint mention he and James were not going to be with us at lunch?” she asked trying her red locks into a low ponytail. Steve just shrugged. “Must have done.” He felt worry in the pit of his stomach.  
“Maybe they got caught up?”  
“Or maybe they're having a Private few minutes.” Sam suddenly chimes in, he must have been eavesdropping. Sam was laughing as he was air thrusting humming the tune to a careless whisper. Steve rolled his eyes, he smiled but it wasn't genuine. 

\-- 

In class, he looked over to where Clint was sitting, and he noticed he was on his phone under the desk. Normally Clint was one of those students who applied by the rules and never normally broke them, so Steve figured whoever he was texting it must have been urgent.  
Steve tried to figure out who it could be, but after checking his phone quickly he ruled out himself, and the group chat they were all in was quiet. He then looked over at Tony who was -for once- paying attention and taking notes, so he was ruled out also. Nat was in front of Steve and even though he couldn't see what she was doing clearly, he ruled her out also as she never used her phone in class. 

After a while Steve just shrugged to himself, deciding it wasn't his business anyway but just assumed it was Bucky.

As the end of class approached, Steve stood up and started making conversation with Natasha and Tony as he packed his books away into his bag. He looked briefly over again to Clint, but he was gone already. 

Something was definitely going on…

Steve continued his conversation with Tony and Natasha all the way until Steve reached his car. They were discussing Tony's party and Tony told Steve he wanted him to park on his drive this time or else he wasn't invited. Steve just huffed and nodded. 

As Steve started his car he felt his phone vibrate, as he got it out to inspect it, he was shocked when he was it was a text from Bucky.

“Hi, Steve is it cool if I come a bit later tonight. Just need to sort some things out before i come over.”  
Steves worry began to resurface again, maybe Clint's weird behaviour was linked to why Bucky was now going to be late.  
“Okay sure Buck, but I’m going to bed at ten tonight so if you’re too late we have to reschedule.” Normally Steve wouldn't have minded if he was at his late but he knew he was going to have a late night Friday as Tony insisted they go for a gaming night, and then it was his party the following night. 

“Okay.” Was all Bucky simply put. Steve felt bad suddenly, maybe he shouldn't have said he wasn't going to be up late but he knew he needed to get some rest in. 

He drove off after carelessly tossing his phone onto the passenger seat, he was gripping hard onto the steering wheel as he drove, there was something going on and Steve really wanted to help but he knew he shouldn't get involved.  
As he pulled up onto his drive, he noticed his dad's car wasn't there. He assumed maybe he wasn't back home from work yet, but when he walked inside he noticed there was a note on the mirror of the hallway. 

After Steve shrugged his bag and his jacket off, he walked up to the mirror and pulled the sticky note off. 

“Sorry me and your father are going out tonight, won't be home until late left you some dinner in the oven xx” and it was signed ‘mother’ at the bottom. Steve took his shoes off and left them while he walked into the kitchen and opened the oven to find the dinner the note promised.  
Placing the note aside, he pulled the plate of food out the oven and retrieved a fork and knife and began eating after he sat down at the kitchen table. He pulled his phone out, abusing the fact his mother wasn't there to moan at him for using his phone at the table.  
He began to type in Peter’s number that was on the back of the note he was given by him earlier and started to compose a message. 

“Hey Peter it's Steve Rogers, whats this plan of yours?”  
After he sent the text he waited a couple moments, but there was no reply.  
After Steve finished his meal he began to wash his dish up and a few other dirty plates on the side. He didn't feel like doing any studying just yet, he considered lying on his bed and reading a few comics, but he remembered he had the house to himself so he sat with his legs across the sofa and watched the TV for a while.  
Every now and again Steve checked his phone for any missed texts, but there was none. Steve was starting to wonder if he had texted the wrong number but suddenly Peters name lit up.

“Sup Mr Rogers well I was thinking of making Mr Stark a card of my thanks because he helped me a lot with all my tests. But I was wondering if you had many photos of him I want some silly ones I can stick around his house with messages on the bottom saying how awesome he is.”  
Steve couldn't help but smile, this kid was something else. But it was sweet and silly, perfect for Tony really.  
“Sure, I’ll send you some!” Steve was really onboard with the idea but still couldn't think as to why Peter wanted him, he was sure Bruce had some really hilarious pictures. Steve began sending a few from his camera roll on his phone and each one Peter replied too with laughing face. 

After a few back and forth messages, Steve decided he needed to get up again, although his house was always kept tidy he still wanted to make sure it was presentable enough for whenever Bucky decided to show his face.  
He headed up to his room and started folding away clothes that were scattered across his bed.  
As he began to straighten his bed sheet he realised he left his phone downstairs, he wasn't someone who was constantly glued to his phone, but he was hoping to hear from Bucky soon. The whole ordeal of Bucky asking to see him later and he and Clint being absent from much was starting to cause anxiety. He couldn't help but notice his palms were sweaty and he was becoming more and more restless. He considered texting Bucky but he trusted whatever it was the brunette needed to do.  
Steve just hates waiting.

 

\--

Steve looked at the time on his phone, and it read nine fifteen, surely Bucky has not forgotten he was still coming over. Steve was starting to grow impatient and frustrated, he wanted to head to bed soon and he had already told Bucky that. The TV was still on in the background but Steve had given up watching, he decided to sit back downstairs an hour ago but he couldn't settle.  
He decided to distract himself by scrolling through different social media apps, and when they didn't work he played a few games he had downloaded on his phone. It was relieving some anxiety but it was short-lived because Steve felt himself thinking again about Bucky.

Steve was close to giving up, he started drafting a text out to send to Bucky, it was now nine thirty and he still hadn't heard a word of him. He waited a few more minutes until he finally gave in a texted him.

“Hi Buck, just want to make sure you’re alright. I’m heading to bed soon so we can reschedule?” Steve tapped send and as soon as he locked his phone there was a soft knock at his door. If it wasn't for the fact Steve had the TV volume so low, he would have never heard it.  
Steve was trying to figure out who it could be, surely if it was his parents they wouldn't knock if they had a key.

As he opened the door he was shocked to see Bucky standing there, he had clearly been crying and his hair was messy and he only had a thin shirt on, he looked freezing.  
“Can i come in?” Bucky slurred, he wasn't looking directly at Steve but he knew the kid was shitfaced.  
“Have you been drinking?” Steve asked still holding the door open. Bucky just nodded and began to rub at his arms, clearly trying to warm up.  
“Come in Buck.” And the younger walked past muttering “Thanks” as he stumbled into the hallway.  
Although Bucky had been at Steve's many times before and knew where everything was, he just stayed standing leaning his whole body weight against the wall still shivering. 

Steve realised Bucky was way too drunk to even support himself, so he began taking Bucky's shoes off for him. At first, the brunette wasn't sure what Steve was doing but after a few seconds, he realised and began to lift his foot up to help remove each shoe. 

“So is there a reason you’ve turned up late to mine, and also drunk as a sailor?” Steve's voice was stern, he felt like an actual teacher or a parent, his leftover frustration from earlier clearly was surfacing in his voice.  
Bucky just said nothing contained looking down at his feet.  
“Well?” Steve asked again.  
“Its almost Ten O'clock Buck, I told you not to let me know if you were going to be late, I wanted an early night!” He snapped. 

Steves' heart stopped momentarily when he heard a soft sob escape Bucky's lips. As soon as he had snapped the guilt washed over him like cold water, he felt like an asshole. 

“No I'm sorry Bucky.” He cooed pulling the younger boy into his arms, and then that just caused Bucky to fully breakdown he was now balling his eyes out into Steve's shoulder. Steve felt his whole body shake with Bucky's. His heart was hurting from the pain it was causing him to hear him crying. 

“M’ sorry.” He whimpered pulling himself away, he rubbed his eyes which caused them to get redder.  
“No idea what else to go.” He murmured and crashed his head roughly into Steve's shoulder again. He continued babbling and Steve couldn't understand a single word, but he softly started stroking Bucky's hair, which was seeming starting to calm him down.  
“Shh, Shh.” Steve whispered resting his own head on top of Bucky's.  
He had no idea what to do as twice now an emotional Bucky was sprung on him but he figured whatever he was doing was working as eventually Bucky stopped shaking and crying. 

Steve managed to coax Bucky into the living room and sat him down. He knew Bucky was pretty much out of it but he asked if he needed anything anyway. He just shook his head and blew his nose with the tissues Steve had given him.  
“I’ll get you some water, one second.” Steve hurried into the kitchen, and filled a glass of water up and returned back. He helped Bucky take a few sips and then he set it on the coffee table in front of them. He sat next to Bucky and pulled the blanket off the back of the sofa and around Bucky's shoulders. He had no idea how long he had been out in the cold, but he guessed it had been a while by the way his hairs stood up on end.  
“Feeling better?” Steve asked, his eyes never stopped looking at Bucky. He felt him shrug and Steve put his arm slowly around Bucky, he began to gently rub up and down his arm to try and give him warmth. But Steves heart was racing, his heart was beating loudly against his chest and he was sure he shouldn't be doing this, but he would do the same for anyone else he told himself. If this were Nat, or Tony or Bruce he would be doing the same, but this was different, this was Bucky, the guy his been crushing on since he met him.  
It was wrong. 

“Clint and I had an argument.” Bucky said out of nowhere, Steve listened as Bucky began to softly talk about how Clints been really close to some other girls in his Math class lately and it had been making him feel like shit.  
“So I take it you two had an argument about it?” Steve watched Bucky's head nod.  
“Yeah i accused him of some really stupid things,and he got annoyed at me.” Bucky was sounding clearer now, and Steve wasn't sure if Bucky was sobering up or if he was just getting used to the way Bucky was talking now.

“Oh Buck, don’t worry he will calm down soon, he loves you and all couples fight. Just let him sleep on it, and i’m sure everything will be okay tomorrow.” Steve tried to assure.  
Bucky just shook his head, fresh tears now starting to stream down his face.  
And oh, how Steves heart broke as his eyes met Bucky's. He looked devastated. 

“That's the thing Steve, i don’t think he does and i don’t think i love him either anymore.” He sobbed out.  
“You don’t mean that.” Steve said trying his hardest not get his own feelings involved.  
“I do Steve!” Bucky was now shouting. “I don't want to be with him anymore, he just makes me so unhappy and he yells at me all the time and he said he wasn't even sure if he was gay anymore.”  
Steves face turned more serious, his eyebrows folded together.  
How could Clint say such hurtful things…

He was sure they were said in the heat of the moment, but even so he was on Bucky's side of this.

“Steve.” Steves attention was drawn back to Bucky, he was sitting looking up at him, and his eyes were still full of tears and he looked in pain.”  
“Yeah?” Steve softly asked, he was starting to play absentmindedly with Bucky's hair again without noticing.  
“What should I do?” he asked, his voice was still wobbly.  
Steve paused for a moment, he began to watch as his fingers twriled Bucky's hair, making tiny ringlets.  
“No idea, just do whatever it is that your heart is telling you too.” Steve still wasn't looking at Bucky, but he could see the tears had stopped again out of his peripherals. 

There was silence for a while, it wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. They both just seemed to be enjoying the silence.  
Steve heard Bucky sigh which caught his attention, they were back to looking at one another eye to eye again. Steves stomach was twisting so much it made him feel sick, but he didn't want to break the contact, and it seemed neither did Bucky.

Steve decided he should probably say something, it had been a few minutes since one of them spoke now and he wasn't sure if he could cope with this gut wrenching pain.  
Bucky's lips turned up into a soft smile, Steve couldn't read what Bucky was feeling now or thinking. And that was making the pain worsen.  
Just as Steve was about to open his mouth to ask Bucky if he was okay, Bucky's lips were suddenly pressed against his. 

“Fuck!”

Steve body hasn't caught up with his mind yet, but his brain was screaming at him, those alarm bells ringing so loud he felt as though he was shaking all over.  
What was Bucky doing?!

Bucky's lips were so soft and gentle, but he could taste whisky on them.  
Steve was in such shock he hadn't even reacted yet, he realised his one hand was still in Bucky's hand, and his other down by his side.  
Steve felt Bucky's lips turn up either side of his mouth, he was smiling.  
Steve was still frozen into place, and his eyes were wide open unlike Bucky's. He had no idea what to do. Yes he wanted this, yes this was amazing but it wasn't right, at the end of the day Bucky wasn't single. But before Steve could push him away, he felt Bucky deepen the kiss, and now Steve's body was responding back. 

After a few seconds of their lips glazing over one anothers, Steve pulled back quickly.  
As much as he was enjoying it, as much as it killed him to pull away, he knew he needed too. 

They both took a couple seconds catching their breath, and then Steve pulled the courage to look at Bucky again and his cheeks were a soft red,and his lips were coated in Steve's saliva . He looked breathtaking, Steve couldn't help but admire him but the guilt suddenly hit him like a truck.  
What the fuck did he just do. 

Bucky's smile was still present, clearly he was feeling as giddy as Steve was, but it was wrong and Steve felt sick again. He just kissed Bucky Barnes and his bestfriends boyfriend.  
“What's wrong?” the brunette questioned. Steve couldn't believe he was actually asking that. Even an idiot would know kissing someone else when you had a boyfriend was a no no.

“You kissed me?”  
And then Bucky's smile vanished, he looked confused.  
“Yeah so?”  
“So?” So Bucky you’re drunk, and to mention you have a boyfriend!” Steve felt angry, why was he messing with his feelings like this. Yeah Bucky was drunk, but surely he knew he shouldn't have kissed him. 

“You said do what my heart tells me so i did Steve, it doesn't matter if i’m drunk or not I want you as much as you want me.”  
“Stop it.” Steve snapped, his body still hasn't calmed down. He didn't mean to snap again, but this was Bucky's fault. Steve was so angry, he was always careful not to show his true feelings around Bucky and now…

“I’m sorry.” Bucky's voice was quiet again, Steve figured he knew he was in the wrong, but it didn't stop him from feeling so annoyed.  
“Sorry?Bucky you have a boyfriend!”  
Bucky just started to quietly cry again, and Steve felt sick. He hadn't done anything wrong yet Bucky was pushing him, testing his limits now.  
“Don’t cry Buck, i’m sorry i just can’t do this to Clint or you. You’re still considerably drunk you don't know what you’re doing.” and as Steev started to think about his last sentence he felt his chest tighten. This was something he only could dream of,but Buck was drunk, it was a mistake, one big mistake that he will have to forget about.

Neither of them spoke for a while, the silence now was awkward and suffocating. Steve couldn't just make Bucky leave in his condition but he just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.  
“This isn't fair…” He whispered rubbing his fingers into eyes eyes.  
He couldn't cry, not now.

“I should go.” Bucky started to stand up, and Steve felt panicked, maybe he had read his mind, maybe Bucky new all this all along.  
“No, stay.”

Steve just buried his head into his hands, it was taking everything inside him not to breakdown. His chest was clenching, his heart was beating so loud and fast he couldn't hear his own thoughts. Bucky sat down just as quickly as he stood up, and the sofa softly rocked as he did.  
“Steve i’m sorry it was so selfish i just couldn't help myself.”  
And there it was, the violent headache. Steve wondered why it had taken so long for it to return, but there again his body wasn't caught up with his mind.  
He couldn't think anymore, between his heart thumping a million miles an hour, and his throbbing headache, he had no chance.  
He felt Bucky's hands frame his face, he pulled Steves hands off his face and Steve just let him. There was no fight in him, his body was on fire and he couldn't stop it. 

“Steve look at me.”  
But he couldn't. He tried to open his eyes, he tried to look at Bucky but he couldn't.  
“Steve please, i need you to look at me.” something inside Steve snapped, the desperation in Bucky's voice made his eyes snap open. He had never felt his body shake so violently before.  
“I need to know were okay, that were not going to fall out over this.”  
Steve didn't care anymore, the headache was just growing more and more painful as the seconds ticked by. He could feel his pulse in his own head now, he was terrified he was going insane, but Bucky's hands were still touching his keeping him grounded.  
Even though he was looking directly at Bucky and could hear what he was saying, he sounded like he was underwater. Everything was blurry and he couldn't quite make sense of what he was saying. 

“Steve, i don't want to be with Clint, i realise that now. I only seem to feel better when i see you or i’m around you and now I realise it’s because I like you.”  
It was suddenly like he was being pulled up from under the water, his eyes refocused and suddenly he could hear again, and Steve couldn't believe what he was hearing.  
This had to be a dream, a trick, a lie. Steve didn't know if he just didn't want to believe it or if he was so happy about hearing it that he couldn't actually believe it.  
“I think I need to take you home, Buck. It's late.” was all Steve said before standing up and stretching. As soon as he broke contact from Bucky his head was less fuzzy, the mind-numbing headache was starting to lessen, but it was still there. 

Bucky just nodded slightly, he slowly rose to his feet using the edge of the sofa to steady himself and then wobbled his way over to the front door. 

“M’ sorry again Stevie.” Steve was now starting to feel how Bucky looked. Steve didn't reply, his headache was still too painful for him to even try and correlate an answer.  
He helped the brunett put on his shoes, and carried his backpack for him, and before he left he picked up his car keys.  
As they stepped out into the fresh air Bucky shivered again. Steve was thankful for the cold air circulating his lungs as it still felt as though fire was coursing through his veins so he shedded jacket, and handed it to Bucky. He accepted it without a word and slowly started to put it on, Steve felt himself pause for a second. Seeing Bucky in his navy jacket made him blush, he had lent his previous girlfriends his clothe before in the past, but they never looked as good as Bucky did in his jacket. He was standing there looking at the ground, it was slightly too big for him so the sleeves were covering his hands, Steve thought he looked adorable. He shook his head and locked the door heading over to his car, he knew he shouldn't be thinking that way but he couldn't help it. 

They hopped into the car and as the engine hummed alive, Steve looked over at where Bucky was sat. He was looking out the window and his hands were resting on his lap. For a moment Steve considered grabbing out for them, but quickly reminded himself that there was boundaries -even if Bucky had broken them- and he set off.

Steve was thankful he remembered where he lived, Bucky seemed to have passed out a few minutes ago, snoring softly with his head pressed against the window. Steve kept looking over to check on him every now and again, admiring how peaceful he looked. He felt his headache start to relieve slowly, but his stomach was still twisted up in knots. 

As he pulled up outside Bucky's house he turned his car engine off. He sat for a few minutes enjoying the quiet as he let his loud mind settle.  
After a couple of minutes he decided to wake Bucky up. He softly rocked him by his shoulder until began to stir.  
“Where am I?” He asked rubbing his eyes.  
“Home, Do you need me to carry you in?” Steve was half joking but also serious. He seemed way too tired to stand let alone walk.  
“Mmh” was all Bucky could muster before he seemed to drift back to sleep.  
Steve unbuckled himself and opened his door to head around to the passenger side. As he opened his door Bucky open one eye and smiled.  
Steve lent in and unbuckled the half asleep boy before he scooped him up in his arms. 

Steve wasn't the most muscular person in the world, but he carried Bucky with ease. Steve worked out as much as he could, and his hard work was starting to pay off as he was definitely getting more toned and defined.  
Their faces were inches apart and Steve could feel Bucky's breath on his neck and cheek, he still stank of alcohol but he was too tired at this point to care.  
Bucky kept giggling, obviously enjoying being carried and Steve couldn't help but smile, he wasn't sure why he was as he was still fairly annoyed at the young boy. But he just kept his eyes forward.  
They reached his front door, and Steve gently lowered him down, being sure that Bucky was secure on his feet before he le go.  
“Are you okay from here?” Steve asked, he reminded himself of his father but he didnt care.  
He did feel protective of Bucky, and maybe that was the problem, because he knew was going to be glued to this front door all night if he thought Bucky wouldn't be able to stand by himself.  
“I’ll be fine, thank you Stevie.” He was basically purring as he rubbed his head on Steve's shoulder as he searched his pockets for his keys.  
“Well I’ll wait for you to go in first, then I’ll leave.” Steve had his left arm loosely around Bucky for support, the brunette was clearly still unstable. 

As the front door opened they were greeted by Bucky's mother who looked rather upset and relieved. Steve had met Mrs Barnes a handful of times before and he knew what sort of person she was, she was always worried about her only son and Steve thought rightfully so. If Bucky was his kid then he would constantly have a tracker on him.  
“Thank You, Mr Rogers, for bringing my drunk of a son home.” she politely smiled bringing Bucky into a hug. Clearly, she couldn't stay mad at him either because she began to kiss his head multiple times, going on about how worried she was but how relieved he was okay. 

Steve said his goodbyes to both Barnes and headed to his car, he heard the door shut behind him and as he got into his car. As he put his keys into the ignition he noticed his blinding headache had subsided. Relieved, he drove off away from the curve and headed home to bed.  
He was a little surprised when his father's car still isn't back on the driveway, but after checking his phone he realised his mother had texted him an hour ago to tell him they were both staying in some hotel for the evening.  
After he replied back to his mother he headed inside, he left his shoes in the hallway and locked the front door.  
He was exhausted mentally and now physically. 

Steve trudged upstairs, feeling weak and tired not caring that he really needed a shower, he decided to have one in the morning. He just managed to brush his teeth and remove all his clothing except his underwear before he crawled into bed.  
The scenes of the evening kept playing out in his mind as he turned his lamp off surrounding him in darkness. Sudden anxiety and guilt made him feel sick again, he was so tired that he just rolled over and decided to deal with it all tomorrow. 

\--

The morning sunlight beamed directly onto Steves' face through the small slit of the curtains, causing him to squint as he tried to first open his eyes, he was struggling to adjust to the morning light.  
He rolled over to his bedside table to check the time, and he was suddenly grateful when he realised he had woken up an hour early. Sighing he rubbed his eyes and decided to finally sit up, he was trying so hard to divert his half-asleep mind awake from thinking about last night but he couldn't, every second had been imprinted and was playing on loop. He decided he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep so he decided to take a shower and then try and do more revision, he was hoping it would be enough to take his mind off the fact he was going to see Bucky, and worst of all Clint later at school, he knew he wouldn't be able to avoid them, Clint is apart of his friend group, and wherever he is Bucky is. He couldn't escape. 

While he was in the shower he tried to think of excuses to not sit with his friends at lunch, but worst of all today was the day Mr Fury wanted each tutor to have a meeting with him, and their student to check on progress. Steve could feel his legs shake, he was trying so hard not to think about how awkward and painful the day was going to be but he tried to think of the positives  
Tony was having a gaming evening with all their friends, and then Tony was throwing his party Saturday night, so he knew he had a couple of things to look forward too and to take his mind away from thinking about Bucky Barnes. 

After his shower he dried himself off and got dressed, as he looked over to his mirror by his bed he saw his reflection staring right back at him.  
He noticed his eyes looked dull, and there were obvious dark rings starting to appear under his eyes. He knew he had been staying up late to study recently, but he didn't realise how negatively it was affecting his appearance. Steve wasn't vain, but he likes to look good and knows how to dress well, but lately, he realised he been letting himself slip and wasn't always looking the best.  
At that moment he was starting to feel self-conscious, something in which he rarely felt, but he felt so insecure suddenly. 

Before his mind was able to fall down a dark hole of anxiety, his parents arrived back home and his mother shouting her arrival brought Steve's brain back into the present again.  
Steve threw his towel over the mirror to stop himself from looking at his reflection again, he wasn't in the mood to be reminded just how exhausted mentally and physically he was.  
Just as he was about to grab his bag and make his way out his room, his mother was in his doorway with open arms.

“Steve! I’m so glad I caught you before you left for school, I missed you so much!” Her voice was so singsong like that it made the blonde smile, he suddenly felt better once he walked into her arms. He believed the old wives tale that a mothers hug could solve anything, and just for those few seconds he actually felt okay.  
“Hey mom, I missed you also.”  
“Good! I’ll make your favourite for dinner tonight how does that sound?” Steve just nodded in reply, he started to realise he was now starting to feel how he looked, so tired in fact he couldn't muster much of a response.

He was just dying for the day to be over already, dying to feel better. He started to feel a twinge of anger as he realised this was all Bucky's fault, he was fine until he decided to be selfish and abuse his vulnerability. Well, he wasn't sure he saw it entirely that way -how was Bucky to know he liked him- he was caught off guard what was he meant to do...

“Oh wait…” Steve suddenly remembered what his mother had said, he realised he wouldn't even be home for dinner as he was going to Tonys tonight.  
“Sorry, mom I’m going to Tony’s tonight, sorry.”  
His mother just rolled her eyes in response and shook her head, Steve was slightly worried he had annoyed her but all subsided when she agreed it was fine for him to go.  
“Wait, aren't you at his Saturday night as well?!” Steve just laughed and nodded.  
“If I didn't know better I would think you and Tony were obsessed with each other, like little boyfriends.” she teased, but Steves stomach dropped he realized he still hadn't even really confessed to anyone that he was bisexual, well at least not fully admitted but his sure a couple of his friends assumed it now. He knew his mother and father would be okay with whatever or whoever he was, but he wasn't even fully sure yet he wanted to admit it out loud to anyone. Bucky so far has been the only guy he actually has feelings for, whereas before he just liked the idea of being with a guy. 

Everything was suddenly getting real now.  
Before Steve allowed his mind to spiral again he gave his mother another hug and promised to text her later. As he was about to leave his door his father also said his goodbyes and asked Steve how he was. He lied and said he was fine and when he was asked about how the tutoring was going he felt sick, another reminder of how awkward today was going to be.  
“Yeah, it's going great dad!” He lied.  
“Really enjoying it.” he lied again. Steve was starting to think he was getting too good at this facade, acting like everything is okay when it's not game.  
He remembered the saying his grandpa used to say about being a duck on water.  
‘On Top of the water sits a duck peacefully swimming along, looking like they don't have a care in the world. Yet under the water their feet and paddling like crazy.’ and that's exactly how Steve felt. On the surface, he was calm, collected he could put on a smile and everyone was fooled, but underneath the surface, inside. He was scared, stressed, his brain was all over the place he was in panic mode. 

“Okay well have a good day son, glad to hear it's all going well.”  
“Thanks dad, you too!”  
Steve waved him goodbye as he shut the door behind himself and headed to his car, as he opened the driver's car door he flung his bag onto the passenger's seat, and got in shutting the door and putting on his seatbelt. Sighing he realised he didn't have his jacket on, but then quickly remembered Bucky still had it.  
“Bastard,” he muttered to himself, he leant back into his car seat.

It was going to be a long day, and he knew it.

\-- 

Steve was surprised how fast the day was going, luckily he didn't have any classes with Clint or Bucky on a Friday morning so he was relieved. His last lesson of the day he had with Tony, Natasha and Clint, but he hoped Clint would be sitting in his regular place which was three whole rows away from him. He felt sick just even thinking about Clint, so god knows what he will feel like when he will actually see him. He hoped he could keep it together enough that he could keep his pretending everything okay facade, but he wasn't sure how long he keeps it up for, especially once they were face to face. 

“So what time do you think Mr Fury will request to see us all?” Natasha asks as she turns her head over to look at Steve. And he could actually feel his smile vanish, another thing he had forgotten and another thing he now had to worry about. He knew he was definitely not going to be able to escape seeing Bucky today, no matter how hard he tried.  
“After school isn't it?” he replied in a monotone, he really didn't even want to think about this.  
“Oh yeah, I forgot. All this studying is getting to my head.” she laughed tucking her hair behind her ear, but then she suddenly stopped as she realised Steve wasn't smiling. 

“Everything okay Steve?” And then Steve realised he had let his mask slip a bit, he wasn't doing too good at pretending right now.  
“Oh yeah, everything is fine.” He assured her, he smiled trying to make sure it left no room for questions, but he was too late. She already figured out he was lying and he knew it. But he was thankful when she didn't ask further, even though he could tell she wanted too.  
She raised an eyebrow and sighed turning back to face the front of the class.  
Steve made a mental note to try and seem happier and not like his insides were all chopped up in a vice to avoid further questions.

By lunchtime Steve felt exhausted mentally, he had been doing a job so far -or so he thought- of keeping it all together, and not showing just how much he was dreading this lunch hour, of having to sit with Bucky and Clint.  
As everyone sat down Steve made sure to sit near the end of the table right next to Natasha and Bruce and Tony as Clint always sat up the other end, and that meant Bucky would also which means he won't be in eye line with him. Just as he began to eat he looked up and saw Clint and Bucky take their eats up the top of the table as predicted. Steve sighed internally with relief and carried on eating. 

 

Tony started talking about how excited he was for the evening, and how awesome his party was going to be. Everyone else at the table was just as excited, but Steve kept quiet only joining in occasionally when he felt like he was being too quiet.  
But he started to realise that Bucky was also being quiet, unlike Clint who was just as excited Tony. but after he glanced at him again, he realised Bucky was wearing his jacket.  
Now Steve was pissed.  
He couldn't believe he forgot about it, he was so occupied with helping Bucky back home he forgot he lent him his jacket.  
But he couldn't help but think how adorable he looked in it, it was a bit big for him even though he and Bucky were basically the same height, but Steve always brought jumpers and jackets and coats bigger than his normal size because of his broader shoulders. Whereas Bucky had a slightly smaller frame so it causes Bucky to look small in his jacket. 

He was actually surprised no one had noticed that Bucky was wearing his jacket, but everyone seemed way too caught up in the excitement of Tony’s party to care.  
As he looked over to where Clint was he could see that he and Bucky were not holding hands, usually, they always did but Steve figured their fight had lasted over to today, and Steve found himself feeling sorry for the younger boy. Sure everyone argues, but it did seem like they always were in some sort of issue, but Steve didn't think it such an issue until now. (or should he say until Bucky kissed him!?)  
Steve felt his paranoia slip in again, maybe Clint knew what had happened, maybe that's why they were off he though biting at his lower lip. 

“You’re still coming tonight right Stevie boy?” Tony asked while his mouth was half full.  
For a second he wasn't sure what he was on about, he was so deep in thought about Bucky and Clint that he forgot he was meant to be listening to what his friends were talking about.  
“You haven't forgotten about tonight have you? You know the whole gaming night I planned?...”  
Steves eyebrows folded together and then softened, realising he hadn't actually said anything yet.  
“Yes I’m still coming, don't worry.”  
“Good!” Tony replied relaxing back into his chair resting his hands behind his head.  
“Was thinking you were going to bail on me for a second.” he laughed, and Steve just copied his laughter to brush off his tension.  
“You’re still coming right Clint, Bucky?” Tony asked looking down to the bottom of the table, and now Steve was regretting not going to sit in the library  
“Yup still coming!” Clint replied throwing him a thumbs up.  
And then all eyes fell on Bucky for his answer, and Steve noticed how flustered he suddenly was.  
“Thor’s not coming so you’re welcome too,” Tony added.  
“Erm, yeah possibly.” He stuttered, and Steve tried to quickly look away when he realised he was looking directly at him. Steve now could feel his cheeks turning red, he felt pathetic but just looking at him brought back the memories of how Bucky's mouth felt against his. 

Snapping out of his thoughts again he looked next to him where Natasha was sitting, he began a conversation with her to take his mind off everything as well as preventing himself from looking over at Bucky again.  
He figured that Natasha understood he needed a distraction she was talking about unrelated topics to the group, such as the TV show she was watching last night. After a while Tony joined in and so did Bruce, but then the conversation went back to tonight again. 

“So me, you, Nat, Clint, Bucky, Steve, and Peter tonight?” Bruce asked before taking a sip of his drink, Steve watched as Tony nodded in response.  
Everyone looked up as a response to their name, and all nodded as to agree with Bruce.  
“Sorry guys I can't come this evening,” Natasha replied shooting Steve unapologetic look.  
“No Nat!” Bruce and Tony whined in unison.  
“Sorry guys but my parents are being super strict right now, they agreed I can come to your party Tony only if I revise all night tonight.”  
From under the table Natasha grabbed Steves hand and squeezed it, he believed it was her way of trying to apologise but it didn't help with how nervous he felt knowing he was going to have to be around Clint and Bucky all evening. 

Steve would have said no if he knew Bucky was coming, but he knew he should've guessed as Clint was going, he was just hoping maybe he was busy.  
Or deep down, maybe he wanted to see him.

\--

Just before the end of last lesson Mr Fury -as Steve predicted- came to retrieve everyone for their tutor progress updates.  
As Steve followed Mr Fury towards his office he saw Bucky waiting outside -still in his jacket- he was playing with his fingers, looking at his feet, Steve didn't understand why he looked so nervous. It wasn't like he was in trouble, but then he realised the situation. It would be the first time the two would have spoken since last night  
Now he felt nervous. 

“Okay you two are my last ones, take a seat in my office.” He gestured both them to sit down once they were inside. The loud ‘bang’ the door made as it shut made Steve practically jump, he was so on edge again he could feel his back muscles stiffening, making him sit up he knew he needed to act professionally even if Bucky wasn't. 

“So how’s everything? Mr Barnes, I understand you and Mr Barton swapped due to distractions.”  
Bucky just nodded in reply, biting softly down on his lip. Steve felt frustrated he wouldn't even look at him.  
“Well has being with Mr Rogers helped?” he asked shuffling through some papers.  
This time Bucky didn't pause before he answered, he said how Steve had been helping him massively and explained his relationship with Clint and how it was affecting his concentration.  
“Well good job you swapped then, plus I've noticed your test grades have been going up.”  
There was a smile on both Buckys and Mr Furys face, and suddenly Steve felt better, he felt assured he was actually doing a good job despite half the time he was trying not to get distracted.  
“Well well done Mr Rogers and you, Mr Barnes. I have no doubts with all this hard work you'll pass James.”  
“Bucky.” He corrected with a smile.  
“Okay Bucky, good work.”  
Mr Fury continued to praise them both before he dismissed them, Steve felt the weight off his chest ease up a little. He found it extremely difficult keeping up an act, he just wanted to grab Bucky by the shoulders and demand why he was receiving the silent treatment, but he decided maybe it was for the best right now. 

As they left the office they still shared silence, Steve was trying not to give in to the temptation of asking the younger boy was he was being so silent. Everyone had seemed to have left now, Steve wasn't surprised as they were in the office way after the end of day bell sounded.  
Steves phone started to ring, and both Steve and Bucky jumped the ringing pierced through their created silence.  
Steve checked the caller ID and realised it was Tony, he quickly pressed the answer button and brought the phone up to his ear.  
“Hello!” Tony practically shouted down the phone, causing Steve to move his head away from his phone slightly.  
“Clint told me that you and Bucky were the last to be called in by Fury, so we all decided we were going to meet you at mine,” he exclaimed, Steve heard voices in the background assuming they were all at Tony's already.  
“Okay, I’ll see you at yours then.” H\e sighed, slightly unimpressed Tony and his friends had left like that, and now the fact he was going to have to sit with Bucky in the car for more added time. 

Great. 

“Okay and actually park on my drive this time, or else I won't let you in!”  
Steve rolled his eyes after more back and forth jokes Steve ended the call.  
“Is Clint already there?” Bucky suddenly asks breaking their silence again, Steve realised Bucky had been listening in on the conversation which he was sort of glad about as it meant he didn't need to explain.  
“Okay,” he said softly, so softly Steve didn't hear him at first. They both walked again in silence to Steve's car, and their silence remained for the whole car journey until they pulled up on Tony's driveway.

“Steve I’m sorry. I know you're cross at me, and I’m sorry for wearing your jacket.” just as Steve was about to reply Bucky was taking the jacket off and handed it back to Steve.  
“Thanks by the way.” Steve couldn't help but smile, he felt guilty for being so cross at the brunette but he was the one who was crossing boundaries, not him.

Before Steve had a chance to say anything Bucky undid his seatbelt and got out the car, gently closing the door behind him.  
Steve took a couple of minutes to collect himself before he did the same, he placed his jacket into the back seat and closed his door locking it afterwards.  
Steve decided not to say anything as they waited for Tony to answer the door after Bucky had pressed the doorbell. He decided now was really not the right time to talk, but he knew he needed to but now he had no chance. 

“OH well look at that! Steve Rogers car is finally on my drive after a year of me nagging!” Tony teased after he opened the front door.  
“Yeah yeah.” Steve laughed taking a step forward to give Tony a quick hug.  
“Careful Rogers, don't want the neighbours talking now do we.”  
Steve just grinned.

As he headed into the house he heard a commotion of noise and chatting coming from the kitchen, as he followed the noise he was greeted by Clint who was walking out the kitchen towards Bucky. He felt slightly confused when Clint threw his arms around Bucky and started covering him with kisses all over his head.  
He thought maybe they had resolved things between lunch and now, but Bucky just looked just as surprised and Steve was.  
“Yeah, yeah, love birds go get a room.” Tony moaned walking past the couple to join everyone else in the kitchen.  
He started pouring drinks for everyone and got a few bears out the fridge. Steve looked over to the smaller kitchen table looked in the corner to see Peter Parker and Sam Wilson were sat. Steve felt a jolt of happiness suddenly as he didn't even realise Sam was coming, but it was a nice surprise none the less.

“Sam!” Steve greeted, walking over to pull the boy into a hug.  
“Didn’t know you were coming!”  
“Yeah well, Tony texted, I didn't come last time so I thought I should today.”  
Steve was not feeling heaps better, he really was so thankful Tony invited him. It wasn't like he forgot him as such, but with all the drama his mind had led him to narrow thinking.  
“Well now everyone is here, shall we go head into my room,” Tony suggested already heading out the kitchen.  
“Sure!” Peter piped up getting out of his seat.  
Everyone followed suit heading up the large staircase, Steve could hear behind him Bucky and Clint talking. He was still confused on why suddenly the two were now okay, but he tried not to care too much.  
He was trying to focus on the fact Sam was here, and he took every opportunity he could to sit by Sam, he didn't want to be near Bucky but he knew he had no choice if Sam sat by Clint.  
Tony and Peter shared the sofa while Bucky and Clint shared a beanbag, and the rest sat on Tony's bed.  
They all took it in turns playing in teams on halo and other PvP games until Tony whipped out a bottle of vodka from beside his sofa where a mini-fridge sat. 

“Tony your party is tomorrow.” Clint chuckled, his arm wrapped around Bucky.  
Steve had been trying all evening to not look over to them, but how could he not. He had no problem with PDA but Bucky was all over Clint like a rash. Just last night Bucky was telling him he didn't want to be with Clint and was kissing Steve, and now Bucky's acting like it all never happened.  
Controlling his frustration he shuffled a little placing his weight on his opposite side, he was leaning closer to Sambut neither seemed to care.  
“We can still do shots though!” Tony stood up and walked to his dresser pulling out some shot glasses. “It's Friday night guys, common let's have fun!” he continued.  
.  
Steve knew this was probably a bad idea, but what was the worst that could happen?

\--

After a few shots later, and after Tony brought bottle after bottle out they decided to play truth or dare, even in the tipsy state Steve was in, he knew this was going to be a bad idea. 

They all gathered around in a circle on the floor by the TV, the TV was the only light source in they had so Steve felt slightly disoriented, not entirely sure he knew where everyone was.  
“Right.” Tony suddenly spoke sounding menacing, Steve could hear the grin on his face.  
“I’ll spin this empty bottle and whoever it lands on picks truth or dare, i have an app on my phone so we can use that for ideas.”  
Steve looked around and could just about nake where everyone was sat, Sam grabbed the bottle and insisted on spinning first. 

There was silence as Sam began to spin it, everyone's eyes on the neck of the bottle.  
Steve prayed it wasn't him who was first, he really didn't want to know the crazy dares Tony had or that app of his. 

“Clint!” Tony shouted he was now on his knees cheering as Steve looked to see the bottle pointing towards Clint who happened to be opposite him he quickly released.  
“Truth or dare?” Tony's grin was growing wider as he unlocked his phone to obviously look at the app.  
“Truth,” Clint answered calmly, he seemed to be the least drunk in the room, that or he was the best at acting sober.  
The sounds of Tony tapping away at his phone filled the room, and then finally he picked a question.  
“Okay, who in this circle except for Bucky, obviously, would you date?” Tony sat back obviously proud of his question.  
The room fell silent again as Clint’s eyes scanned everyone around him, Steve noticed Bucky's eyes were locked onto Clint, he was obviously curious or nervous who he was going to say. 

Clint’s eyes stopped at Steve for a moment, and he could swear he could feel the uneasiness coming from Bucky. But even despite how much anxiety this would have normally caused Steve, he just leant back and absorbed the stare Clint was giving him.  
He started to feel pretty good, sudden confidence boost flooded his body. Steve was starting to understand why people drank so much, not only was it easing his anxiety but now he was also feeling good for the first time all day. 

“Of course it would be you!” Clint finally answered raising his glass while looking at TOny, and he cheered and started boasting about how he and Clints romance would be the best.  
“No offence Bucky.” Tony continued laughing simultaneously taking another shot.  
“But I and Clint would totally be a cute couple.” And now everyone was laughing with them.

Clint started to spin the bottle and everyone's eyes were back onto the bottleneck again.  
“Sam!” Clint grinned rubbings his hands together obviously trying to conjure his on ideas.  
“Truth or dare?” He asked raising an eyebrow.  
“Dare.” Everyone started to make ‘ooh’ noises, but Clint's grin grew bigger.  
“I dare you to take a shot while doing a handstand!”  
“Easy!” Sam Laughed already scrambling to his feet.  
Everyone watched in amazement as Sam easily lifted himself upside down against Tony's bedroom door, Steve knew this kid was athletic, but this was a whole new level.  
“Show off.” Steve teased handing Sam a full shot glass.  
“How’re you going to take the shot now, Einstein?” Tony walked over to Sam with his phone in hand, he was recording the whole thing.  
“Like this!” And then he tipped the glass upside down into his open mouth and everyone was in hysterics as he gracefully came back down to his feet.  
“You spin Clint.” Sam was pulling faces and shook his head a few times, obviously, the taste of vodka was too much for him to handle. 

Clint span the bottle again and Tony pulled up his app again.  
“Whoever this lands on has to do a dare. The last dare was hilarious!” he laughed looking over at Sam as he sat beside Steve again.  
Sam just laughed.  
There was silence again and Steve took the opportunity to take a sip of his vodka and coke while he waited to see who it landed on.  
It took him a few seconds to realise it had landed on him, and it was only the fact everyone's eyes were on him suddenly that he noticed. Steve sighed as he looked down.  
“Okay, what's my dare then?” Steve heard Tony tap at his phone again.  
“Oh, this is a great one!” Tony was pretty much wiggling where he sat, the light in his he's told Steve this was going to be an awful one. 

“I dare you to swap shirts with the person on your left!”  
Steve looked and realised Sam was on his laughed, they both looked at each other and laughed.  
“Well good luck mate my shirt stinks of vodka now!”  
“Just strip already!” Tony bluntly said.  
“Do you want some sexy music on while you strip?!” Bruce joined in laughing as he started humming the tune to a careless whisper.  
“Yeah, back it in.” Steve couldn't help but grin.  
“Yes, Steve!” now even Peter was joining in. 

Steve laughed, he wasn't sure if it was the alcohol making him feel light and fuzzy, or if it was the fact that now Bucky's eyes were glued onto him, which admittingly made him feel good.  
Steve couldn't help but laugh as he slowly pulled his shirt up and over his body and pulling his head out. He heard Tony give him a wolf whistle which made him laugh even harder. As he took Sams shirt he looked over at Bucky and his eyes were still fixated on him, his lips slightly parted. He was just hoping Clint wasn't looking at Bucky, but just because he was feeling so good he decided to keep eye contact with Bucky whilst he carefully slid Sams Shirt being careful to take his time. He knew how risky this was, he knew it would be so easy to figure out what he was doing and who he was looking at. He knew it was bad, really bad especially in front of Clint, but he was enjoying the reaction he was getting from Bucky, his mouth was hanging wider open, and his eyes were wide open, and his cheeks were slightly tinted red. Steve was enjoying this, maybe even a bit too much but he didn't care anymore. 

 

Both Sam and Steve sat back down, and Steve couldn't help but look over at Bucky again, it was like his eyes couldn't help but to always gravitate towards him.  
He looked slightly flustered, and Steve couldn't help but smirk knowing he did that too Bucky. 

The night continued with everyone taking it turns to spin the bottle and eventually everyone had at least done one or two dares or truths each, and everyone carried on drinking and continuing to get way drunker then they were earlier.  
Steve gave another glance at Bucky was now fidging where he was sat, Steve grinned again but this time he didn't even feel a twinge of guilt, and he wondered if it was because Bucky was seriously getting of on this. He knew he would regret it tomorrow, but right now this was pushing Steve right into cloud nine.

Steve's body finally caught up with his thinking process and he realised he needed the toilet.  
He excused himself and headed to Tony's upstairs bathroom. He couldn't quite remember which room it was in, but his drunken body stumbled across to the last door, and he was so thankful it was the right door.  
He stumbled inside and was just able to pull the cord to turn the light on. Everything was fancy in Tony's house, even the skink had a beautiful pattern carved into it, and Steve felt his drunk mind fascinated by it.  
He was starting to feel ridiculous. He wobbled over to the mirror and he chuckled to himself, he definitely still looked ridiculous. His hair was a mess, and his shirt was wonky.  
He realised he still had Sam's shirt on, and it still stank of vodka. 

Steve managed to relieve himself and then he washed his hands trying to splash some water onto his face to try and sober himself up a tiny bit, he realised he was so stupidly drunk. Steve rarely drank so every time he did it was like a shock to his body's system.  
He felt content, for the first time in weeks he didn't feel tense his body was clearly thankful too as he didn't ache so bad. 

Steve pushed his hair back a little and got one more quick glance at himself in the little mirror above the sink. He felt cheesy as he winked at himself but he didn't care.  
As he walked out of the bathroom and pulled the cord to turn the light off, he saw Bucky standing a few steps in front of him with a soft smile on his face.  
“Alright?” Steve asked not really knowing what he was saying but it seemed right.  
Bucky Just raised his eyebrow and his smile turned into a smirk, Steve was about to ask but then Bucky tilted his head towards the room next to the bathroom which Steve recognised as on the of guest bedrooms.  
“What?” Steve questioned, his words were slightly slurred. But Bucky just continued to smirk.  
Steve watched as Bucky's hand outstretched to grab his wrist, and Steve's brain was still ten steps behind so he didn't quite process what Bucky was doing.  
Bucky opened the door and looked around inside before he pulled steve inside with him.  
Steve felt like he was going to fall over on his face but then Bucky just slammed Steve against the door which made it shut suddenly.  
“Buck, what ya doin’?” But before Steve could figure out what just happened Bucky's mouth was on his. 

Bucky was sighing into the kiss, he was stiff and still and Steve wasn't sure what to do, now he was completely caught off guard- again.

Bucky's lips were warm and also tasted similar to Steve's which were stained with vodka and traces of coke-cola. Bucky's hands moved to hold either side of Steve's face, and his whole body was pressed into Steves.  
Normally Steve would be in panic mode, he knew that.  
But there was something about the moment that just made Steve not care. He allowed his lips to move with Bucky's as they kissed, it started slow and soft and then worked into hot and heavy, and desperate. 

More, Steve thought. He needed more.

Steve pushed his hands up Bucky's shirt exposing his soft flesh and top of his hips. Steve couldn't help but feel, just feel how soft and enticing Bucky's body was.  
At this moment nothing else mattered, Steve knew he was being selfish, he knew he shouldn't be doing this. But Bucky started this again, so how could he stop it. 

Steve's body soon started to push against Bucky's, their crotches pushed together causing more friction. Steve tried to be quiet as he moved more and move back and forth against the brunnests body, he knew this was so wrong but he couldn't stop.  
Bucky let out a soft quiet moan as Steve bit down on Bucky's bottom lip softly, he was lapping up the quiet moans and he really wanted more and more, he felt as though he was starving for this and now his body finally had it he couldn't let it stop. 

“Steve.” Bucky moaned into Steves' ear and Steve began to roughly kiss at his neck, he knew he shouldn't be rough as he didnt want to leave marks, evidence of their moment here but he was so carried away now he wasn't sure he could top.  
Bucky's hands where now undoing Steves zippers and Steve just let him do it.  
Bucky's mouth was back on his, and now his tongue started to trace along Steves bottom lip and inside his mouth where it met Steves.  
God he knew he was enjoying this too much. 

“This is what you get for teasin’ me earlier you bastard.” the brunette whispered into Steves' neck, now his mouth was all over Steves' neck and Steve had to keep back a moan that was beginning to sound its way up from the back of his throat.

Just as Steve could feel Bucky's hands making their way into Steves boxers, they heard footsteps walking around outside the door.  
They both stopped in panic and Steve's hands flew from Bucky to his zippers trying to do them up quickly.  
Luckily the footsteps faded and they seemed to be heading downstairs. Steve was totally flustered and out of breath now, and when he looked at Bucky he could tell he was the same.  
“Listen i’ll leave first and then you come out in a minute, will look less suspicious,” Steve commanded. Without even waiting for Bucky's response he carefully tiptoed out the room leaving the door jar.  
He took a deep breath making sure to calm himself before he entered Tony's bedroom.  
When he opened the door everyone was either asleep or on their phone. 

“Where have you been?” Tony asked getting up off the sofa from where Peter was asleep beside him.  
“Bathroom?” Steve pointed towards the bathroom hoping he was looking as innocent as possible.  
“Did you pass Bucky on your way back? The kid said he would get us some more drinks.”  
“More drinks?” Steve laughed uncomfortably, trying to brush off the fact that the mention of Bucky's name made him tense up a bit.  
Right on queue, Bucky walked in with two beers in each hand.  
“Here you are Tony, sorry I took so long.” Bucky smiled handing Tony the drinks.  
“I sent Bruce looking for you, he said he couldn't find you downstairs.”  
Bucky smiled again and shrugged.  
“Sorry I got the drinks and then went for a piss,” he replied calmly walking past Tony to sit on the bed by a sleeping Clint.  
“Okay.” Tony didn't seem convinced but brought he lie.  
Steve couldn't believe how calm the younger boy was. You wouldn't believe looking at him that only a few minutes ago he had him pressed against a door moaning into his ear. 

Steve sat down on the floor next to wear Bruce was sitting.  
“You was gone ages.” Bruce laughed still looking at his phone.  
“I know I’m so drunk I think I lost where I was for a second.” He laughed back.  
Bruce just continued looking at his phone, and Steve couldn't believe he actually managed to get away with what just happened.

Steve pulled out his phone and checked the time, it was three AM.  
He was exhausted. The effects of the alcohol were wearing off a little and now he was starting to feel dreadful.  
He responded to a few texts messages before putting away his phone, and just as he looked up he was met with Bucky's eyes. The brunette looked around before shooting Steve a wink.

"What a night" Steve though smirking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> I've been working so hard on these next few chapters, and like I said the next chapter will be dedicated to Tony's party and I felt as though it needed a whole chapter of its own!  
> Thanks again, and apologises for any mistakes or errors!  
> <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I will try and post the next chapter soon as but I have a lot going on at the moment so I can't make promises, but I'm so excited to complete it.
> 
> Also, I know the first chapter isn't the most exciting, but as the chapter progress so will the story! :)  
> and sidenote, I'll add warnings at the start of every chapter as I'm terrible with tags
> 
> (Also another side note I’m sorry the formatting is weird especially near the end. I was switching between my laptop and computer when I write this so sorry again!)


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